Breathing plays a profound role in our health.

Breathing interventions are relatively easy to learn, may be done at any time, and can help restore balance.

The autonomic nervous system will not allow us to relax our vigilance while our breathing is rapid and shallow, or while we’re holding our breath. Often accompanied by tension in our body, this breathing pattern sends a strong signal to our nervous system that we are in danger.

We can do practices to change this and allow our breath to signal safety and make our neuroception (perception of safety and danger) more accurate.

Strong social connections and a supportive social network contribute to a fulfilling and satisfying life. Social Health is an essential component of overall well-being, as it influences mental, emotional, and physical health.

We have all experienced feeling and acting with courage

We have all experienced backing down or being disappointed in ourselves

What gets in the way of being more consistently courageous?

I am listening with the intent to get to know someone

I am listening somatically to more deeply know myself

I listen to understand, not in preparation to respond

I will remain aware of where I am on the polyvagal ladder and come back

Do you cycle between thinking “it’s not so bad” and “this isn’t working, I need to go”? Maybe you are pretending to yourself that they can and want to change. Just because you treat people with respect and try to be kind, does not mean everyone has that value or the capacity.

We learn to read our parents because our survival depends on it. Codependency is emotional. I’m very worried about what you’re feeling. I take responsibility for your feelings and try to cajole you into a better mood because my survival depends on your good will towards me and I need your protection.

People who are not emotionally regulated are less likely to respect boundaries. When we are not emotionally well regulated, we are less likely to respect the boundaries other people set, and are less able to set and maintain our own boundaries.

We can sharpen our neuroception and we can build strength and resilience. We can continue to bring compassion and kindness to our relationship with ourselves. From this strong foundation, we can act.

Most troubling thoughts are generated by the nervous system trying to keep us safe.

The main practice of working with witnessing thoughts is to increase the accuracy of our perception of the safety and danger in our present moment situation. We learn about how thought works generally and our own patterns specifically.

Somatic Mindfulness works with our body as it signals danger through sensation. We listen to our body to learn:

When did I tighten up and why?

What specifically was happening at the time that I perceived as a threat and that activated hypervigilance?

Can I stay present in my body and with my breath?

Can I stay connected with myself, maintain self-regulation, and awareness of my adult self?

What are you signaling to your nervous system through your body, breath and brain?

As you move through your day, keep some attention on your body and breath. Tension in your muscles or holding your breath will alert you to your nervous system signals, and you can use grounding and orienting practices to come back.

I can tolerate disappointing people

What happened in your body as you read these words? I felt a heaviness in my chest. I took a deep in breath and a long exhale and softened my neck and shoulders.

Two months ago I made a big decision. I had been thinking about it for awhile.

If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher. We can use our difficulties and problems to awaken our hearts.”

When we feel threatened and go into a survival response, we strike out for protection. We don’t actually want to make it worse, but this is a hard pattern to avoid.

Pema has a suggestion. “We wonder how other people are doing and reflect on how our actions affect other people’s hearts.”

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake, is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” Pema Chodron

When you are reading signals of danger, pause - who and what is alarming you?

Is there a clear and present danger and do you need to take action? If not, resist the urge to go into fight/flight/freeze and stay with it to inquire.

I’ve organized this step of understanding and applying Ayurvedic principles specific to balancing our doshas into three areas: pranayama, abhyanga (self-massage), and nutrition. You might be inspired to try one thing from each area or focus on one for awhile to see what happens.

The doshas are a fundamental concept in Ayurveda, an ancient system of medicine from India. According to Ayurveda, the human body is composed of three primary doshas, or energies, which are responsible for different functions in the body. Your prakriti is what is most consistent over time and your vikriti relates to the present state in your constitution.

Why do we minimize our own trauma?

We compare and see our trauma as less than other people’s

Why do we compare and try to one-up other people’s trauma?

We don’t want to believe it could happen to us so we blame them

Why do other people dismiss us?

Don’t be silly. You’re exaggerating. It won’t happen to you. We protest. You don’t know that. Bad things happen all the time!

Our predictive brain, with its negativity bias, tries to apply what it knows to other situations. If this bad thing could happen in this situation then ...

Are you anxious or terrified while driving? Have you stopped driving because it feels unsafe?

Fears and beliefs arise from our direct and indirect experiences. There are many ways to support ourselves in healing driving anxiety.

We can explore the exact thoughts and feelings causing the anxiety, and calm ourselves enough to safely drive again.

Our culture is fond of phrases like Just Do It! When we’re dealing with social anxiety and other types of fear, this is counter productive and shaming.

Our nervous system predicts safety and danger and generates survival responses based on our experience. We can hold ourselves with patience and kindness and also take steps to heal.