One of the debilitating symptoms of PTSD is emotional vulnerability and distress. With survival as our top priority, we may experience feeling out of control or at the mercy of our thoughts and emotions. It may be difficult to find trust and faith in our capacity to cope and heal. Awareness of the following key areas and strategies can help us to fully recover and enjoy life again.
I was physically assaulted riding my bicycle to work one morning. That began my long journey with PTSD and healing. This was written a few years into that process.
Kindness and compassion was the key. I experienced a huge trauma. Loving kindness and reassurance on all levels supported my healing. It is helpful to know that the symptoms of PTSD are common, and that they are a logical response to trauma.
There are certain symptoms and patterns of trauma and the cyclical path of healing. Even though for months I felt unsafe and threatened most of the time, I understood there was hope for a recovery.
Cocooning and protection from threat allows the system to settle down and step back from a state of red alert. This includes creating physical safety as well as accepting the need and value of emotional diversions.
I knew overall that I wanted to build strength so when I was able, I practiced strengthening yoga poses. When I felt I needed a quiet, restorative practice, I focused on that. My emotional state was volatile at the beginning, and I often changed practices midstream as my mood changed.
Tailor your strategy to what you need in the moment.
I learned to respect the power of the unconscious mind.
The trauma was at a level not readily accessible to the conscious mind, so telling myself I was safe was not particularly useful.
A fact based approach didn’t dissolve the anxiety attacks. I had to let go of judgments and expectations about how I should feel and how fast I should heal.
The best way to heal was to create safety so my system could heal itself. I returned again and again to kindness and compassion for myself.
Honoring my process of healing was far more helpful than pushing myself and denying reality. Judging myself for my feelings was always counter-productive.
A better use for my conscious mind was to recognize the changing reality of what I needed and be willing to work with that.
Comfort and not scaring myself further were, and continue to be, a key to healing and recovery.
Gentle patience with myself in this slow process of healing is necessary. I find myself developing a deep sense of compassion for myself, and for others feeling this fear.
My psychologist gently reminded me again and again that I didn’t cause this, to give myself a break, to take my time, and let my mind and body heal without expectations of how long it would take or the ‘proper’ way to work with it. That was both good and hard advice. I came to appreciate times when I could work with staying present and releasing the trauma, and times when I needed to give myself permission to curl up safe at home with a reassuring movie and some ice cream.
Staying present while traumatized takes courage and energy. I had to balance venturing out with cocooning as I healed both emotionally and physically. I was committed to staying present and to not push the trauma underground. With that as my intention, I also observed my capacity and was gentle and allowing of diversion when needed.
To heal from PTSD, a person needs all the courage you can find and cultivate. Recovery from trauma is hard.
It hurts.
It takes real courage to give yourself what you need to heal. We need to feel safe in order to deeply heal.
Some people judge themselves around the choices they made that put them in the situation where they were attacked.
I also found it hard to ask for what I needed because I wasn’t fully accepting the fragility of my emotional state. When I was able to release judgment and expectations around my ‘progress’, I was better able to identify and ask for what I needed without feeling weak.
The Calgary Police Victim Assistance Unit sent some information a week after the assault that stated unequivocally that I was not to blame, that many victims of violence experience emotional and physical trauma, and lists of resources where I could get help.
I also had the opportunity to prepare a Victim Impact Statement and to testify in court. When available, these formal steps of recognition can be helpful in healing.
