Why Is It So Hard To Be In Our Body?
Stored trauma generates a swirl of energy and sensation that creates a feeling that we are unsafe. We hold our breath, clench our teeth, and tighten up through our neck and upper back. It feels so uncomfortable to be in our body that we form a habit of disconnecting.
We all fear being powerless, vulnerable, and not in control of what happens to and in our body.
Somatic mindfulness helps to take traction away from our automatic strategies for avoiding uncomfortable feelings. We need to:
know what activates us and makes us go unconscious
know how to come back into self regulation in the present moment
From the safety of this moment, with kindness and clarity:
we witness traumatic memory and thoughts knowing they are in the past
we heal in connection with our inner world (we can’t heal when we’re not in our body)
we develop authentic connection with ourselves and then with trusted others
Our mind believes our thoughts are actually happening and responds accordingly.
Our nervous system has an unconscious process of detecting threat and then:
it activates a survival mechanism of fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn to protect us
this causes us to respond to traumatic memory as if it is present moment danger
Somatic Mindfulness works with our body as it signals danger through sensation. We listen to our body to learn:
When did I tighten up and why?
What specifically was happening at the time that I perceived as a threat and that activated hypervigilance?
Can I stay present in my body and with my breath?
Can I stay connected with myself, maintain self-regulation, and awareness of my adult self?
Traumatic memory feels like a threat so we hold our breath and tighten. Grounded in this present moment, we signal safety through easing our breath and relaxing tension in our body. Evidence from the past is assessed appropriately. We learn from our past and we’re not as hijacked by it.
Hypervigilance interferes with clear seeing and accurate neuroception.
It is through the experience of feeling safe enough, that we are able to more accurately detect the level of and the specifics of threat and safety. Self-regulation increases our agency.
Accurate Neuroception - Somatic Inquiry - Am I Safe Enough?
When you are reading signals of danger, pause. Who and what is alarming you?
Is there a clear and present danger and do you need to take action? If not, resist the urge to go into fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn and stay with it to inquire.
Threats might include someone who is disconnected and not paying attention to you (reminds you of a parent), someone who has edgy energy (in flight or fight), eyes not focused or flitting around, obviously nervous and dysregulated, sarcasm/ contempt to you or someone else, talking over people, social injustice or prejudice, different views, bullying, excluding people, brooding, dark energy …
Often the threat we are responding to relates to the past, it is less dangerous to us now, and we have more agency and capacity to handle it as an adult.
What has to change for me to feel safe? Do I have the urge to change them?
What are your options? Can you leave? Set a boundary with them? Decide to not engage with them in the future? Check out your neuroception with others? This is more productive than trying to change the other person. We have more of an impact when we focus on our own experience.
If it is safe enough for you to stay, take your attention at least partially away from them, and instead focus on regulating your own nervous system through grounding and orienting, breath, relaxation, etc.
Focus more on the other people present. If you are in a social or work situation, is there someone who is an ally? Is someone having fun that you could gravitate toward? As you look around, is there a potential new friend, someone who meets your eye with a smile on their face, or maybe you spot an old friend? Feel your feet on the floor. Breathe. Talk in longer sentences. Remain in your body.
Let the threat move into the background of your awareness. Your nervous system will alert you if anything changes. Lowering hypervigilance to a more accurate level increases our safety. We’re not emotionally flooded, we’re not in a survival response, and we have access to our full brain and resources.
Focus on self-regulating. Notice cues of safety. Enjoy what there is to enjoy. You’ll walk away with a more relaxed nervous system, a clearer mind, and the confidence that comes with handling life.
If you’d like a safe enough community to explore this with, consider joining us on Sunday.
