Courage and Protection

Emotional courage refers to the ability to face and manage one's emotions, especially in difficult or challenging situations, with resilience and authenticity. 

We have all experienced feeling and acting with courage

We have all experienced backing down or being disappointed in ourselves

What gets in the way of being more consistently courageous?

Neuroception: past experience leads us to believe we are in danger of being overwhelmed if we feel what is here, and that it is not safe to stand up for ourselves. Our nervous system activates fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn responses for protection.

Through present day experience, we begin to reliably know that we are now a more resourced adult, that we can handle feelings and knowing ourselves, and that the cost of disconnection is too high a price for pseudo emotional comfort. We no longer need to avoid feeling discomfort. We can be real with ourselves and others.

Emotional courage involves self-awareness, feeling our emotions, knowing our emotional history, and uncovering and seeing through our core deficiency beliefs. We avoid pushing and instead cultivate resilience and practice compassion. 

We take the risk to be vulnerable, being open and honest about our feelings even when it feels risky or scary. Vulnerability allows for more authentic connections with others and can lead to greater emotional resilience. 

Somatic mindfulness, witnessing our thoughts, and consistent use of grounding and orienting practices allow us to reliably self-regulate. This gives us a base for opening into deep knowing.

Emotional courage involves taking action in line with our values and emotions, even when it's difficult.

This might mean having difficult conversations, setting boundaries, or making tough decisions that align with our authentic self.

When we are regulated, we have access to our wise courageous self. We are able to cope with uncomfortable feelings and to enjoy the juiciness of life.

Protection and our nervous system

When we’re in freeze or shut-down, we might not acknowledge we need protection. We fail to protect ourselves and may use the bare-throat defense - I’m so nice - please don’t hurt me.

When we’re in fight, we’re out of control, damaging our relationships without regard for our own safety or the feelings of others. Acting while emotionally flooded with anger is different from expressing anger while regulated.

There is no possibility of connection when we’re in flight.

Fawning creates a pseudo connection that is ultimately unsatisfying. We know it’s fake and that if we express who we really are, we’ll no longer be included.

The answer is for our maturing adult self to be in the room.

We establish emotional regulation, comforting and welcoming the exiled hurt parts, and reassuring the firefighter parts that they can put down the hose. These parts are no longer abandoned and alone. We can appropriately protect ourselves without burning down the building, shutting down, and suppressing our feelings.

Somatic Inquiry: Notice you are safe in this moment. Breathe deeply, relax your body, clear your mind. Keep coming back to regulation.

The statements below are reverse inquiries, where we say something we feel isn’t quite true. We pay attention to signals from our body, inviting our unconscious mind to tell us more.

I am worthy of protection.

I have the courage to see my situation with accuracy and clarity.

When I detect social danger, shaming or contempt, I am able to (soon) pause and examine the situation, feel the energy of that, and decide on next steps.

I am on my own side and protect myself.

I clearly see the bargains I make for protection and accurately see the cost.

I can protect myself and I can accept support when I need it - I don’t have to go it alone.

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