Emotional Regulation in Community

There are many reasons why we are drawn to this work of healing trauma. It often starts with wanting to ease suffering. Life could be less stressful and we want to enjoy more peace and stability. We live in cultures that are aggressive and challenging, leading many people to feel disconnected and anxious. We have a sense that we need to come together to heal.

We work with educating ourselves about our nervous system and over time we remember more often to use grounding and orienting tools to self-regulate. That is an important foundational step and it is not the end of the journey.

“With a regulated nervous system, we feel safe enough to relax into the arms of another.” Dr Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Institute

This summer we’ve been focusing on somatic mindfulness within ourselves and how we listen and share together. Part of our experience is internal and part is relational with each other.

Here is some of how we practice this:

Listen somatically with the intent to understand yourself and others.

Share as vulnerably and authentically as you wish and can.

Share time equally.

Stay in your own lane - don’t comment on or talk about what other people share.

Work somatically with your experience - what happened, why, use tools to come back into regulation.

We learn so much about ourselves when others share. We discover we are more alike than we thought and that some of what we thought was “wrong with me” is actually a common experience due to the way our nervous systems respond to the stresses in life.

We become familiar with our internal responses when someone doesn’t “follow the rules”. Some people feel more agency when they give advice or try to help someone feel better. Some have an easy time speaking and others have a lot of anxiety about sharing.

We get annoyed or angry or perhaps go into flight or shut-down. We have many opportunities to practice somatic mindfulness, notice what activates us, and use the tools we have to return to emotional regulation.

Our intention

I am listening with the intent to get to know someone

I am listening somatically to more deeply know myself

I listen to understand, not in preparation to respond

I will remain aware of where I am on the polyvagal ladder and come back

Mindful listening is a beautiful offering to ourselves and others. It is a deep and advanced practice that can lead to experiences of authentic connection within ourselves and with others.

Interacting with other people is never “easy” and it can be immensely rewarding. I appreciate that we can connect in this “safe enough” space that we are co-creating through our courage and care.

If you’re looking for a community to  practice authenticity and connect with, this might be it! Details here on joining us!