We can’t change the past. We can’t transform our parents into lovingly supporting us. If they have done their own work, that’s a bonus.

We ourselves can take on the job of extending empathy and supporting ourselves. We can stop the inner critic attacks.

We can learn to be consistently reliable and kind to ourselves. We can be the “good enough” parent we didn’t have.

Who can you invite to be on your side? To support and encourage you? To provide unconditional love and encouragement?

Visualize your inner nurturing community in a semi circle around you. They are kind and honest and supportive. They have your back.

Invite the inner critic into the circle. We are listening to your concerns. What is it I need to know? Why are you here?

I’m On My Own Side

What would have to change for this to be more true?

• Know who I am

• Nurture a connected, empathetic relationship with my mind, body and breath

• Stop shaming and criticizing myself so I can

• Respect, accept, and honor myself

If we all cultivated more kindness for ourselves, that would be a worthwhile practice in 2024.

What does my heart know?

What do I long for?

What is in the way that can move to completion?

I open my fists and let it go

What does my heart know?

As my mind quiets, I become more comfortable with the energy in my heart.

My adult self is present and supports traumatized parts that are still experiencing fear without trying to avoid or “fix”.

I come back to witness consciousness, present to myself, my whole body, breath, energy.

I rest in the heart and listen.

“The heart is the fourth chakra, not the seventh. It is the door to spiritual states. Our work is with the consciousness coming to bear in the heart, to be there with it, to bear witness.

We have the mind being quiet and we have the heart being a neat place to be.

Now you're ready to take your spiritual journey.” Michael Singer

When have you been most inspired? What are the circumstances when you feel more alive during and after than when you went in? 

It could be simple, like being in nature or meditating with friends. It could the inspiration of working toward what you believe with like minded people.

We don’t have to be perfect to hold ourselves in care and esteem.

Get yourself settled emotionally and physically through grounding and orienting. Stay connected within as you try these inquiry statements.

I can afford to see myself

I see through false beliefs that something is wrong with me

I am worthy of love and connection as I am right now

I can afford for you to see me

My dignity is inherent, within

I share with you from my internal esteem and inherent dignity

Where do we have shared humanity and common ground? Recognizing their humanity, understanding them, and perhaps even having an open heart doesn’t mean we have to forgive someone or let them into our life. It means we are acknowledging them as a human being.

We can build this muscle by working with our own inner critic and with difficult people in our own life. Everyone has a backstory. How is that operating in your relationships?

Shame is the wound of not belonging.

We feel alone, unseen, unheard, unwelcome or not wanting to be seen. This disruption in connection with a significant other can disconnect the person from themself or another, and activate a feeling of shame.“

When the intense suffering of shame is met with compassion, it releases its clinging toxic tentacles. We realize that we are not alone, and can once again breathe and move with vitality.” Brene Brown

Acknowledging what is already gone is part of courage and clear seeing.

Letting go of what is not possible opens space for what might be. Letting go of shaming ourself for not manifesting earlier dreams opens up our hearts.

What do I need to let go of to make room for the new?

What does my heart know? What do I grieve? What do I long for?

How would I know I deserve protection if I wasn’t protected? 

How would I know I need to protect my children from emotional hurt if I wasn’t protected as a child? 

Does my body know I can count on protection from parents and teachers if they have not protected me in the past?

We have all experienced feeling and acting with courage

We have all experienced backing down or being disappointed in ourselves

What gets in the way of being more consistently courageous?

I can take the risk to fully know myself and let myself be known by others, to live with vulnerability and authenticity, and to speak up and "tell all of my heart".

Who gains when we hate our bodies and believe we are broken? People who make money from our self-hatred. Seeing the roots of this pervasive conditioning more clearly, we can take steps to heal.

My nervous system is not convinced it is okay for me to “be here”.

What part of my wild heart do I hide from myself? Where do I put on the brakes and not let myself know and have what I really want?

What part of my wild heart do I hide from others? Where am I trading authenticity for inclusion? Why? Is this as necessary as it once was?

Our trauma history has taught us that vulnerability is dangerous.

In the face of violence and oppression, our soft front can be a liability. We struggle to find a place emotionally and physically safe enough to be vulnerable.

Our armor is keeping us from growing and being authentically ourselves. Vulnerability involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

I can tolerate disappointing people

What happened in your body as you read these words? I felt a heaviness in my chest. I took a deep in breath and a long exhale and softened my neck and shoulders.

Two months ago I made a big decision. I had been thinking about it for awhile.

We can spend our entire live betraying ourself and choosing fitting in over standing alone. But once we’ve stood up for ourself and our beliefs, the bar is higher. A wild heart fights fitting in and grieves betrayal.” Brené Brown