Our Inherent Dignity

Dignity is a kind of integrity. I am here. All of me gets to be here.

Dignity to me is

I don’t have to puff up or diminish others whose lights are trying to shine.

I don’t have to prove it. I don’t need you to witness my dignity or approve of me. 

My dignity is intact without you. My dignity is not actually about you.

I know that I am here. Even when I felt alone, when people didn’t understand me and what I was saying, I didn’t internalize a sense of something was wrong with me.”

Prentis Hemphill

Trauma disconnects us from knowing our own inherent dignity. When we are hurt and abused, we are objectified, we are not seen and treated as fully human.

This is true when an individual takes out their anger on us, and it is true when we are systematically oppressed. They are not aware of our humanity.

When we experience trauma, we feel shame that it happened and for our response. 

We dim our capacity to know our inherent dignity when: 

We blame ourselves for being traumatized. We believe (and often are told) that it happened because there is something wrong with us. We feel hurt and internalize a sense that what happened spoiled us forever. We are bad inside now. This is not true.

We shame ourselves for how we survived trauma. If we went into freeze, we feel shame that we didn’t fight back or run away. Our response was our nervous system assessing the situation and activating to try to ensure we survived. It does not mean we are a coward or brave or anything else. It is an unconscious assessment and response based on our past experience and surviving the current situation.

We shame ourselves for the harm we caused ourselves and others that we didn’t heal sooner. We carry our prior traumatic experiences with us. It’s not fair to judge ourselves for that and it diminishes our capacity to heal in the present.

We all have regrets. We all feel shame for some things we have done or not done. As we look through a trauma lens, we can understand what happened and cultivate empathy and kindness. 

We stop the toxic shaming of feeling we are inherently bad. This is quite a journey of awareness, standing down the inner critic and internalizing that core deficiency beliefs are false. We didn’t cause the trauma and we are not bad. Those beliefs are not true.

We take responsibility in this moment. Feeling appropriate shame for actions and behaviors can help us to see clearly and move more into alignment. We access compassion for our younger self and we step into our present life as a more mature, wise, regulated, dignified adult.

We don’t have to be perfect to hold ourselves in care and esteem.

Get yourself settled emotionally and physically through grounding and orienting. Stay connected within as you try these inquiry statements.

I can afford to see myself

I see through false beliefs that something is wrong with me

I am worthy of love and connection as I am right now

I can afford for you to see me

My dignity is inherent, within

I share with you from my internal esteem and inherent dignity

Would you like some company in this exploration? Join us Sundays at 10AM Eastern for our free community class.