Armor up!

Am I willing to show up and be seen when I can’t control the outcome?

In Braving the Wilderness, Brené Brown asks us to reflect on this question. Not being able to control the outcome feels scary. It can kick catastrophic thinking into high gear.

Am I willing is an interesting start to the question. She doesn’t ask if we’re going to be comfortable or feel safe. She asks if we are willing. There are risks and benefits. What are we willing to step up and work with? That depends in part on our history with showing up, and how much unresolved trauma is stored in our body due to that history.

Our trauma history has taught us that vulnerability is dangerous.

In the face of violence and oppression, our soft front can be a liability. We struggle to find a place emotionally and physically safe enough to be vulnerable. We do need to be clear and practical, and to protect ourselves appropriately.

Our armor is keeping us from growing and being authentically ourselves. Vulnerability involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

Where are some spaces right now where you feel unsafe to be authentic and vulnerable and where your protection is that you don’t fully show up? There are reasons why you stay or return to these spaces, but you come armored up. Family can be one of those places.

As children, acceptance protection and inclusion by our adults are survival level needs. If necessary, we betray ourselves to fit in and end up plagued with false core deficiency beliefs.

As adults, we see the cost. We can learn about trauma and understand why someone else’s fight response or harsh words does not mean we are unworthy or bad. We learn to regulate and to stand up for ourselves. Healing is a process and we learn to be kinder and more patient with ourselves.

Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.

Am I willing to create courageous spaces so I can be fully seen?

What might that look like for you? What spaces are you already participating in? Who have you gathered around you where you feel safe enough to be vulnerable? This happens in many ways: with a partner or best friend; a small group of chosen family; telling the truth publicly (Elliot Page); in our journal or our own heart.

We take the risk of letting ourselves know our truth. We become willing to nurture a kind, connected, healthy relationship with ourselves. From this foundation, we discern who is safe enough to share with and to be ourselves with. We soften our front and let them in.

Bring that fully into your experience through visualizing it, and feel it in your whole mindbody. I am willing to cultivate and explore courageous spaces. I can afford to soften my front and let people in.

We practice soft front every week in our Sunday free community class. This week, we’re exploring Brené’s questions. Am I willing …