Protecting Myself
How would I know I deserve protection if I wasn’t protected?
How would I know I need to protect my children from emotional hurt if I wasn’t protected as a child?
Does my body know I can count on protection from parents and teachers if they have not protected me in the past?
We all want to be included and protected. This is a biological drive. We feel safer in community and the truth is that sometimes we are not safer in certain relationships. We are adults now and can cultivate the courage to see clearly, make better decisions, gather support, and act in our own best interest. We have agency and options now that we didn’t before.
How is your nervous system is reading the situation? We tend to repeat patterns. If you bring to mind a situation where you were being scolded, shamed, or pressured, is this ongoing with the same people? Is it a repeating pattern with different people?
As you reflect, what are the images and thoughts? What are the sensations and energy in your body? Does thinking about it put you in a fight, flight, freeze or fawn response?
Take a breather, hold your own hand, look around the room to remind your brain that you are in the present moment not in the past, and self-regulate.
Remember a time when a friend or colleague had your back
Offering emotional support
Defending you in a challenging situation
Being there to listen and help you see options
They are committed to your success, happiness, and security. It’s mutual. You have their back too.
Think of a time you were rescued. How do you feel when a protector swoops in? Whew! I’m safe! Someone cares! That is usually our first reaction. We can also reflect on some deeper questions.
Is it the appropriate amount and kind of help?
Do you feel less agency and power, like they are taking over and they don’t respect you?
What will it cost you short and long term if you let them keep rescuing you? In terms of your self-esteem? Ability to act in your own best interest? What do they expect in return?
This is specific to each situation - there are no right or wrong answers that always apply. We can accept that it is our job to protect ourselves emotionally at the same time as we acknowledge that when we are in a trauma response, someone else might see more clearly. We can listen to and coregulate with them without collapsing and letting them rule. We can maintain our agency.
As we can stay grounded and self-regulated, we are better able to negotiate the nuances of protecting ourselves. We are more likely to recognize when we are being shamed or manipulated if we’re not in fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn.
We can more clearly see the bargains we make for protection and accurately see the cost. We can let in the truth and make decisions in our own best interest and those we are tasked with protecting.
We gather appropriate help and stand up for ourselves. We are worth this!
Join with us each Sunday in community to explore the deep questions of life.