Risking Authenticity
Resourcing Ourselves Through Strength and Joy
is our theme through the end of 2025
There are many forms of strength.
Endurance and physical strength
Social connection and fun, like dancing in community
Having the courage to know who we are and speak our truth
Speaking truth to power
How do we know our strength?
How much do we play small to stay under the radar? How and when did you develop that adaptation style?
How do we use our strength?
What helps us and hinders us? Are we in alignment?
It takes strength to be authentic
Even when we know ourselves, it is challenging when there is some level of social disapproval around who we are. Adults are still susceptible to peer pressure. We are hard-wired through our survival system to do whatever it takes to stay in our family or community. We feel pressure to toe-the-line to avoid being kicked out, ostracized or shunned and this can be dramatic or more subtle.
What was your experience with peer pressure when you were a teen? Were you able to safely express yourself and still maintain connection with peers & adults? What happened if you expressed different values or ideas about the world than your peers or adults?
Do I fit?
In what ways do you fit in with the dominant culture? Not fit in?
What subcultures are you in? What are your various peer groups now?
What is risky or safe socially there?
Where do you feel accepted? Where are you mostly in agreement and can relax and express yourself without fear?
Where is this more difficult? What parts of you do you bring forward and what do you keep under cover?
Deciding on action
We stand out when we go against the norm and that comes with some level of social risk of disapproval. Our neighbors, friends and family all have different views on what is acceptable and we tend to know in advance what these are.
What does it cost you socially to remain silent?
What does it cost you internally to remain silent?
What are the benefits of expressing your true beliefs?
When we say something we wish was true but know it’s not completely true, we can use statements like these to can bring forward our unconscious beliefs and resistance. We decide on a courageous course of action and our nervous system intervenes, trying to keep us playing small to get along and not be a target.
As adults, we can work with strengthening ourselves to be more in alignment with our values and express ourselves with more authenticity. The idea here is not to always say exactly who we are and what we believe and feel. There are many reasons that might not be safe and it might not be worth it.
Visualize a time when you stood in integrity and expressed yourself. Tune in to how that feels in your body. Take a deep breath and feel your strength.
Now bring to mind a time when you decided to play it safe in a particular situation. Tune in to how that feels in your body. Take a deep breath and offer yourself kind compassion.
Our past inserts itself into the present all the time through nervous system reactions and hypervigilance. We are not stuck with our past. With awareness, we make decisions that honor our own capacity and the reality of the situations and relationships in our life.
There are no right or wrong answers here. We bring parts of ourselves forward with some people and not with others. At times in my life I have been in-your-face out as queer.In the 80’s I often wore a button Lesbian Mother (that one confused a lot of people). Now I am an older woman living alone in the country. Some people in the nearby village know I’m a lesbian and I don’t display a rainbow flag on my home because it doesn’t feel safe.
Authenticity isn’t another “should” to pressure ourselves about or shame ourselves by not meeting some ideal standard. Always, we come back to patience and kindness for ourselves. We can honor ourselves for our strength and resilience even as we take steps to build more.
If you’re looking for a place to express your authenticity in community, join us Sundays at 10AM for our free community class. Details here.