Neurodivergent

Most of us have had the experience of feeling like our brain does not quite work the way it is supposed to. We cannot sit still. We lose track of time. We are overwhelmed by noise that other people seem not to notice. We read the same sentence four times and it still does not land. We wonder what is wrong with us.

Neurodivergence is a term for natural differences in how human brains and nervous systems function. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other variations fall under this broad category. The word only makes sense in relation to neurotypical, which refers to brains and behaviors that align with culturally dominant ideas of normal. This is not to minimize or dismiss the challenges of living with a neurodivergent brain. It is a challenge to examine our beliefs.

Cultural expectations and norms are shaped by schools, workplaces, and social environments. We decided that children should be able to sit still, make eye contact, focus on demand, and regulate their emotions in predictable ways. When someone cannot do these things easily, they are labeled a problem, which often leads to shaming and rejection.

Neurodivergence exists on a continuum. Many people are somewhere in the middle, with patterns that are noticeable but not diagnosable. Some people are further toward the edges. A formal diagnosis is one way of understanding the brain. Self-diagnosis is also valid. What matters is whether our unique way of processing is respected and supported.

Trauma Does Not Cause Neurodivergence

Autism and ADHD are not the result of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES). Trauma does not cause neurodivergence. Many neurodivergent people do carry trauma, some of which comes from growing up in environments that did not recognize or support their needs. Constant pressure to mask natural behaviors, repeated invalidation, and not being understood are traumatic.

Our experiences of trauma can intensify the challenges that often accompany neurodivergence, such as difficulty with sensory sensitivity, emotional regulation, and feeling safe. Understanding can help us approach our own healing with compassion and more accuracy.

The Cost of Masking

Masking means suppressing or hiding our natural responses in order to appear more neurotypical. Many people do this for years before they even have a name for it and it is exhausting.

When we are shamed early for how our brain works, we learn that our natural behaviors are not acceptable. The way we need to move in order to think, sensitivity to noise or light, difficulty sitting still, and losing track of time, get managed and hidden. We learn to perform a version of ourselves that fits better in the room.

Our nervous system survival responses of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn also interact with neurodivergence in complicated ways. Dissociation or losing track of time, for example, can look like inattention or disrespect to the people around us when it is actually our nervous system doing what it learned to do under pressure. Understanding this may shift the story we tell about ourselves and the way we relate to others.

A World That Demands A Lot Of Sensitive Nervous Systems

Our culture rewards multitasking, speed, and constant productivity. Many neurodivergent people do better with a different rhythm: deep focus on one thing at a time, more frequent breaks, movement while thinking, and time away from stimulation. These are genuine needs, not character flaws.

Sensory bombardment is a real and often under-acknowledged challenge of daily life. Noise, bright lights, crowded spaces, and the constant stimulation of screens can keep a sensitive nervous system in a state of hypervigilance, where we continuously scan for threat and cannot fully settle. Over time, this load contributes to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout.

This does not mean our brain and nervous systems are defective. It means they are responding to an environment that gives very little opportunity to rest.

Practices That Support Regulation

Nervous system regulation practices are especially useful when our system is frequently overwhelmed. The aim is not to force stillness. We want to find what genuinely helps our brain and nervous system to settle and recover.

Orienting is a simple practice. We look slowly around the room and notice what is there. We look to see whether there is anything that requires our immediate attention. Usually the answer is no. This sends a signal of safety to the nervous system and can shift our state in less than a minute.

Extending the exhale activates the calming branch of the nervous system. A cyclic physiological sigh, two deep inhales through the nose followed by a long slow exhale through the mouth, is particularly effective. Softening the forehead, jaw, and shoulders on the exhale deepens the regulating effect.

For many neurodivergent people, movement regulates more effectively than stillness. Gentle rocking, tapping, humming, slow walking, and the butterfly hug are all ways the body can find its way back to balance. These are not interruptions to the practice. They are valid ways of regulating.

Co-regulation through trusted relationships, animals, and time in nature also supports the nervous system. Shorter guided practices with clear beginnings and endings tend to work better than open-ended sitting when attention regulation is difficult. Noticing early signals of overwhelm, before we reach shutdown, gives us more options for how to support ourselves.

Working With Our Brain

It helps to understand how our brain works. Scattered Minds, by Gabor Maté MD is one resource. We might want treatment for dyslexia so we can read more easily, or try medication that helps our brain to focus. As we increase understanding and reduce shaming, we are more able to welcome our experience with curiosity rather than an urgency to fix. We have more accurate assessment, and clarity about treatment and support options.

There is no single correct brain. The range of ways that human beings sense, process, connect, and create is part of what makes us human. Diversity in the brain and nervous system is part of the richness of being human, and that includes yours.

Next week Neurodivergent In Relationship. Most of us live, work, and spend time with people whose brains and nervous systems work differently from ours. This can bring friction, misunderstanding, and exhaustion, even with care and good intentions. We look at two questions. First, what is the impact of other people's expectations on our own nervous system? When the people around us expect us to process, respond, or show up in ways that do not match how we are wired, there is a cost. We carry the strain of that gap, often without naming it. Second, how does our own neurodivergence affect the nervous systems of people close to us? How can we accommodate each other? Understanding this without self-blame opens the door to more honest and workable relationships.

Link to audio Friends With Your Mind, Chapter 7 Part Two on Neurodivergence