Forgiveness of a violent offender
Don’t rush into forgiveness. It is natural to be angry at people who commit violent crimes. They have harmed you and temporarily stolen your health and peace of mind. I am angry at a society that does not keep violent people off the street.
The man who assaulted me has severe mental health issues. He has lived on the street and in jail for many years. The knowledge of his mental health issues defused much of my anger. I could only guess at the mental pain and anguish he must live with to have sought relief through this act of violence to a stranger.
Having worked with my own mind, it is also easy to understand that he would want to escape from his present mental state through street drugs. His mental ‘present moment’ is filled with anger and violence and pain. Most of us try to escape from mental anguish. No matter our external circumstances, we have that in common.
I have a nephew who was brain injured at birth and has many similar mental health issues to the man who assaulted me. My nephew does take his medication and it is at times still not enough to diffuse the aggression in his mind. My nephew does not take street drugs and has not crossed that line into a life where physical violence is the norm. I have been with him so many times when he is sweet and loving. I have seen him despairing of ever being happy, of leading a ‘normal’ life with a family, a home and a job. He knows that is not likely in his future. I also know he is physically threatening to his caregivers and sometimes physically assaultive. Two days after I was assaulted, my nephew was locked out of his caregiver’s home for assault and sent without even his winter jacket to live on the street. He stayed three months that winter at a homeless shelter. The man who had assaulted me left the homeless shelter and lived in jail.
We all want to be happy, loved, secure and safe. The mind of the person who assaulted me, like my nephew’s mind, makes that impossible much of the time. They are both at the mercy of an unstable mind full of delusions, paranoia, compulsions, extreme narcissism and a limited or non-existent ability to understand or feel empathy for others. PTSD is an illness caused by trauma. During the healing process, the brain and subconscious mind hijack the conscious mind. Observing this lack of conscious control over my own trained mind gave me a glimpse into the working of their minds.
Yoga philosophy does not have a concept of sin. There is a concept of avidya, which means ignorance. Harm and pain arise out of our ignorance or being unconscious. I do have faith in basic goodness, in our True Nature as being full of light and goodness. I know many people are not in touch with that on a regular basis. Some are so covered over with darkness that in daily life and behavior their basic goodness almost seems irrelevant. Responding to harm caused by someone else’s unconscious behavior with more unconsciousness (our own) is not helpful. I have found that judgment and condemnation are so painful that most of us disappear into unconsciousness when these arise. As much as we are capable of remaining conscious and aware, we are able to stop disappearing and live with sanity and compassion.
