Worried Mind

We know what it is like to get caught in our thoughts. We replay something that happened, or we start imagining everything that could go wrong. Before long, our body is tense, our breath is shallow, and we feel anxious even though nothing is actually happening right now.

This is not a personal failing. It is how the nervous system works. When our nervous system feels unsafe, it generates thoughts to try to keep us out of danger. Understanding that is helpful.

Thoughts Are Words and Images

We hear words or see the letters in our mind. Images are colors and shapes.

Some thoughts are pretty neutral while others carry a charge. Negatively charged thoughts tend to hook us and pull us either into the past or the future. We ruminate over something that happened, trying to get a sense of agency over how it went, or we project into the future and start working through worst-case scenarios, trying to prepare.

This is the nervous system trying to keep us safe. The problem is that our brain believes its own thoughts. If we have a vivid image or a strong feeling, our brain treats it as if it is happening right now and we need an immediate response. Our nervous system evolved long before television and social media and has not caught up.

In Our Body

Before we can work with difficult thoughts, it helps to settle our nervous system a little. One simple way is to look around the room and take it in. Really notice where you are, and when you are. Your nervous system needs that information. It is not enough to think "I am safe." We need to let our body register it.

Notice whether you are letting yourself be supported by your chair or the floor, or whether you are holding yourself up and forward, ready to spring into flight or fight. Relax through your back body.

Check in with your breath. If you are holding it, that signals danger to the nervous system. You can change that signal by smooth, continuous breathing.

Cyclic physiological sighing is a practice that is very helpful here. Take two deep breaths in through the nose, then breathe out slowly through pursed lips, as if through a straw. A longer exhale activates the relaxation response. When our exhale is longer than about six seconds, we can feel our whole body begin to settle.

Witnessing Thoughts

Once we have settled a little, we can begin to look at or witness thoughts in the mind. We work with the nature of our mind. We are not trying to stop thoughts or push them away. We are just noticing them from a bit of distance.

Thoughts are words and images. When we have our eyes closed and our body is tense with fear, thoughts feel true, like they are happening. We can help our brain recognize that this thought is something we are observing, not a danger that needs immediate response.

Here is a simple way to help your brain with this. Bring a thought or image to mind that has been bothering you. Find a spot on the opposite wall and put the image over there. Put a frame around it. Now look at it from where you are.

Take your eyes slowly around the outside of the frame. Go around in a circle a few times, then the other direction. This gentle eye movement interrupts the trance that a thought can create. For many people, the image becomes less vivid, or loses some of its grip after doing this once or twice. If a thought is persistent, you may need to do it a few more times.

With our eyes open, it is easier to see we are witnessing a thought. We can also focus shift between what is in the frame and the wall behind it. We can shift our perspective to seeing ourselves in the image rather than seeing out of our own eyes.

If the thought is more word-based than visual, try tapping lightly on your forehead while you shift your attention to the sound and sensation of the tapping. The effect is similar.

What We Are Working Toward

We are not trying to pretend that nothing hard is happening. A lot of difficult things are going on in the world right now. We are not dismissing any of that.

What we are doing is recognizing that most of what our worried mind is compulsively thinking about is not happening in our body right now. Even when the concern is real, our brain is rehearsing a catastrophic future. We can acknowledge the real challenges in the world, and still come back to this moment, where we have enough safety to breathe, to notice, and to work with what we find.

It always helps to offer kindness to ourselves. Being in a rabbit hole of catastrophic thinking is alarming and stressful. Our nervous system is doing its job but it helps to be more accurate in our assessment of present moment danger.

We can use our mind deliberately and redirect our thoughts. What if things work out well? We can let the brain spend some time focusing on a positive possibility, not as a way of denying what is difficult, but as a way of giving our nervous system some relief and reminding ourselves that good outcomes are also possible.

These patterns can change. A mind that tends toward catastrophic thinking can become more spacious. It takes time and practice, and our nervous system does learn through experience.

This topic is part of my exploration in my current live series based on my book Friends With Your Mind: How to Stop Torturing Yourself With Your Thoughts. We meet Tuesdays at 6 PM Eastern on Insight Timer Live, and Sundays at 10 AM Eastern on Insight Timer and our Sunday free community class. I hope you'll join us.