Replace Body Shame With Kindness

Most people carry some history of body shame or dysregulated eating.This is not a personal failing.

In the video below, I share some of my personal history about my weight, body shaming and acceptance, with reflections on the common threads many of us experience.

Shaming around food and body size was considered the gold standard for “helping” people control their eating and lose weight until about 10 to 15 years ago. Studies now show conclusively that shaming produces the opposite effect, increasing dysregulated eating and comfort-seeking because our nervous system reads shame as a threat.

The inner critic is often an internalized voice from childhood, from family, peers, and our shaming culture. The original intention might be protection, by trying to help us avoid being shamed by others. It reality it sets up an aggressive harmful internal relationship.

Shame activates our nervous system, shuts down connection to our stronger self, and drives the very behaviors it's trying to stop. Pause when your hear the inner critic, take a breath, and recognize the signal. The inner critic appears when something feels threatening. Instead of listening to the words, we see it as a cue and work directly with seeing the threat and with regulating our nervous system.

Offer the same understanding to yourself that you would feel for someone you love. Imagine a friend in the same situation, or yourself as a child. As we open our hearts, we are more able to be in kind relationship with our body, food, and eating.

This work tends to go deeper over time as we resolve one issue then another. There are deep roots from childhood that persist in our adult life. Shaming has happened in a variety of high stakes situations with family, peers, colleagues and community. Healing is a process of resolving many layers of suffering and opening into enjoying our food and relationship with our own body.

People who haven’t had food and body shame have an easier and more enjoyable relationship with food and eating. This is something we can cultivate for ourselves. Whatever you eat today, see if you can bring more ease and less judgment. Notice and appreciate the colors, aromas and textures. Enjoy the nourishment of food.