Reflecting on Food and Eating
This week I spoke about my personal experience with food and eating. One reason I did that is to normalize the experience of being shamed in our culture. No matter our body size and appearance, most people don’t feel they measure up. Early on, we absorb the message that there is something wrong with us if we don’t have what is held up as an ideal body.
Who benefits from our suffering? The multi billion dollar diet, fitness and fashion industries are major players in body shaming and consumerism.
How we developed our relationship with food and eating?
If we are in a family situation where we are on our own with no reliable adults to support and protect us, we turn to what is available. Substances, including food, alcohol and other drugs, fill the role that safe human connection was meant to fill. Comfort eating, or control and restriction around food, are not weakness or a lack of discipline. They are reasonable adaptive responses to a relational environment that felt threatening or unpredictable.
When we are stressed or feeling unsafe, our nervous system pulls blood from our digestive system into the large muscles of our legs so we can run or fight for protection. Sometimes at mealtimes we are being actively shamed for our body or eating. Other times it might be more general, but the effect on our digestion is similar. We can’t relax and feel safe enough to enjoy our food.
Shame research is conclusive
We interpret shaming as a threat, it shuts us down, and makes everything worse. It drives more disconnection from our body and food. We drive ourselves with a mean inner critic. We absorb contempt from society and internalize false core deficiency beliefs.
Shaming is so pervasive that it can be an ongoing practice to notice and protect ourselves against it. It shows up in food rules, good/bad foods, and the uneasiness we feel when we go against the rules, many of which we never consciously chose.
It helps to see clearly, and it still takes courage and persistence to speak up when someone is shaming us. We can begin challenging the Inner Critic. External shaming lands differently when we are not already shaming ourselves.
Enjoyment and presence
Shame gets in the way of enjoying food. Environment matters here. When we feel safe and comfortable we eat differently. We can change some of these elements. Gratitude before eating, even a brief thank you, brings us into the present moment. We can take a few breaths and relax. We have several opportunities each day to form a more intimate relationship with the food we ingest into our body.
You might be inspired to prepare a meal of foods you enjoy and eat in a conducive environment a few times a week. We nourish ourselves through our eyes, the vibrant colors of fresh food; our nose as we appreciate the aromas; touch, as we slowly chew and feel the textures of our food.
Understanding, respect and compassion
This is complicated, has roots deep in childhood when we had little agency, and we live in a shaming culture. Food and eating can be a pathway to healing disconnection and opening to more appreciation for what nourishes us. We don’t need more rules. We can bring a gentle awareness and good intention into this area of our life and watch as it evolves.
What comes up for you during this exploration?
You are welcome to join our Sunday 10AM free community class to share with like-minded kind folks, and/or Insight Timer Live Sunday 10AM or Monday at 7PM Eastern. Details here.