“This is an event in the past. I am grounded in this moment and witnessing how it is coming through in the present.”

Trauma is stored in our body as sensation or energy along with associated memories. We stored it in our body because we were overwhelmed at the time. When people have support to process and release the effects of a traumatic event when it happens, it moves through and leaves less of an imprint.

Accepting people as they are is complex and nuanced. They did the best they could from the level of consciousness they were at then. It’s easy to say statements like these and like all cliche’s, they hold some truth.

“When we know better, we do better.” Maya Angelou

We enjoy being with people who are calm and relaxed, interested in engaging with us, and are fun to be around. When we’re in fight/ flight/ freeze, we just aren’t that much fun to be with. We long for connection but when we don’t feel safe enough to relax, that doesn’t happen. When we disconnect from ourselves, we also lose connection with others.

Can I trust you with my body? Will you hurt me? Will I be safe?

Can I trust you with my heart? Are you mean at times, or are you reliably kind?

Can I trust you to not betray my confidences? To not gossip about me?

“I doThe Work that Reconnects so that when things fall apart, we won’t turn on each other. ” Joanna Macy

“The central question is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear but how we relate to discomfort. Every day we could ask ourselves: Am I going to add to the aggression in the world? Am I going to practice peace or am I going to war?” Pema Chodron

When people around you are in an uproar, there has been a flood or school shooting and you are feeling heartsick with grief, when people close to you are anxious, try to not add to the chaos. Steady yourself. Come back into your body, breathe, and let yourself become still.

To develop a strong resilient nervous system, children need to be around adults who are grounded and well-regulated. Babies need to co-regulate in order to develop neural networks for trust and connection. Attachment parenting emphasizes empathy and responsiveness to the child, as well as bodily closeness and skin-to-skin touch with babies.

“Without a clear and present focus on the body, trauma cannot be addressed.” Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands. Like many others, I have been more deeply engaged in racial justice and anti-racism since the murder of George Floyd in May landed with a sickening thud in my body.

Don’t get between a mother bear and her cubs! Her protection is swift and merciless. If she sees you as a threat, she takes you out. Our fierce inner protector has more options than the mama bear standing on her hind legs and roaring her warning. How does safety work in modern life?

This study is one of the largest investigations ever conducted (mid 90’s) to assess associations between childhood maltreatment and later-life health and well-being. It has since been studied in several states with similar results and they are continuing to follow the original participants.

“I sit down to meditate and my mind explodes with catastrophic thinking. I don’t get a moment’s peace from my mean inner critic. What’s the matter with me? I even fail at sitting still with nothing to do.” Said by every traumatized meditation student I have ever worked with.