Why You Can’t Sleep
It’s not a lack of willpower
We've all been there. We're exhausted and we're too wound up to sleep. It's a frustrating experience, being tired enough to want rest and unable to drop into it.
We bring our lifetime of experience with sleep and bedtime into this specific day. There are some practical ways to prepare for sleep that can help: form a routine and try for the same time each night; turn off screens an hour before sleeping, or wear blue light blocking glasses.
These small steps matter, but having trouble going to bed is not a willpower issue. The deeper issue is that our nervous system is trying to solve a problem related to neuroception, our felt sense of safety and threat, and dysregulation due to stress.
Bedtime Procrastination
Staying up late by postponing going to bed, or scrolling once we're already in bed, is a common pattern. Often it's a way to claim back some freedom after a demanding day. I get to choose this.
By this point in the day, our capacity for following through on decisions has been worn thin. We know that procrastinating gives us less restoration than sleep or resting in yoga nidra, yet we still want that sense of freedom.
How could you build in moments of freedom earlier in the day, before you're depleted?
Doom Scrolling and Screens
Screens before bed add another layer to all of this. They stimulate our brain and interrupt the natural wind-down that sleep depends on. Doom scrolling is our nervous system wanting to stay engaged with the world rather than dropping into the vulnerability of sleep.
What does it feel like when you're doom scrolling? What's your usual platform? How long does it usually last? What breaks you out of it?
If your inner critic shows up with shame about any of this, see if you can soften and release that shame too. It isn't helping.
Neuroception and Bedtime
Going to bed isn't neutral. It's the one part of the day when our usual defences, busyness, noise, and the company of other people, all fall away. We can have a felt sense of being alone and helpless.
Folks with a trauma history have neuroception calibrated toward detecting threat. Our nervous systems can stay in a state of heightened alert long after the original danger has passed. We might feel hypervigilant, notice a stronger startle response, or have difficulty settling even when there's no threat present.
Bedtime concentrates several of the exact conditions that neuroception is most likely to flag: darkness, stillness, being alone, and the loss of control that comes with letting go into unconsciousness.
As we are working with deeper healing and nourishing our system, keep inviting in kindness. What is the kindest approach when this is at play? How can I help myself feel safer as I ready myself for sleep.
Our activities all day affect sleep, our pre-bed routine can support us, and we may listen to a guided relaxation as we go to sleep. There are many options as we explore nourishing ourselves through rest.
I have many guided practices to help with sleep. Some of them are guided relaxations, others are short gratitude reflections or sleep affirmations.