Interacting With Friends
Last week we explored types of friends and relationships. Qualities of low vigilance friends include trust, relaxed, sense of humor, looking forward to seeing them, and when we are both are interested in each other. Qualities of higher vigilance friends including walking on eggshells, careful what we share to protect ourselves, tense, and finding it hard to connect.
Our reasons for remaining friends are complex. We explored our responses when bringing to mind a low vigilance friend, then a higher vigilance friend. We inquired into what this friendship gives me and cost me. Can I afford to be myself with this friend?
Our friends affect us
How do my friends influence in my life, thoughts, opinions, and ideas? It’s common for like minded people to hang out together. How comfortable are we having different viewpoints and beliefs? Can we agree to disagree or are we too far apart on key issues?
In our inquiry this week, we’ll bring to mind a specific person who is a close friend.
What qualities do I like and not like about this friend?
Am I “myself” with this friend? Do I feel safe enough to be authentic?
Am I fawning or feeling anxious about being liked?
Am I my “highest self” with this friend? Do I find myself dragged into old patterns, perhaps gossiping when I’ve committed to be kinder? Do I betray myself?
What’s happening in my nervous system? Am I often in fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn around this person?
What changes could I make to deepen our connection?
I Can Afford To Risk Change
Bring to mind a friend with whom you would like a deeper connection and want to change the relationship so you feel more “yourself” with them.
I want this person and relationship to be this way.
Strengthen your body. Breathe. Visualize making a change in the relationship with clarity and courage.
See and feel your confidence and commitment to yourself. What would you like to say to invite deeper connection and resonance with this friend? Visualize saying the words out loud.
I feel uncomfortable with gossip. I know I used to participate and I’m really working now with being kinder. Is shifting this pattern something we can work on together?
I don’t like it when you monologue and rant on and on about people. How can we change this pattern so that I feel like I have a chance to participate in our conversations more equally?
We seem to have moved so far apart in our beliefs about social justice. Is there a way we can talk this through and find common ground?
Breathe. What do you feel now? Is it worth the risk?
It takes courage to let ourselves know what we need and acknowledge the truth of what we have in our relationships. We want to invest in some relationships and are willing to take the risk to forge a deeper connection with kindness and compassion, grace and authenticity.
Our inquiries and discussions in our Sunday free community class are fascinating! We learn about ourselves and each other through somatic inquiry, sharing and witnessing. You are welcome to join us! Details and link here.