An Altar For Change
“Difficult people are like messengers, delivering to us things we need to work on.
Challenges in all forms are opportunities to see ourselves better, to practice the skills that will lead us to beneficial karma, toward the lives we want. This includes difficult people.
We have to make peace with the past in order to test the depth of our presence. We’re living in a moment when a lot of people are waking up to the idea that some of the dynamics they’ve normalized in their lives are not, in fact, acceptable. While we might need to take a break for self-care and perspective, resisting or avoiding difficult people isn’t going to lead us to freedom.
Now that you have “protected your peace”, can you sustain it outside your bubble? The spiritual path will always push us back into the fire.”
We continue to work with Sah D’Simone’s upcoming book Spiritually, We: The Art of Relating and Connecting From the Heart. For the next several weeks we are working with the principles and practices outlined in these quotes by Sah in Spiritually, We.
Create an Altar for Change
Make an altar at home and place your difficult person on it.
We ask for change in two ways:
To see them differently
Actively wishing for them to be at peace so they show up in the world in a different way
Dedicate a space to the altar, even if it is small, and keep it clean and uncluttered.
Use your altar as a place to set intentions, connect with your ancestors or holy beings, meditate, pray, do rituals. Just care for it — keep it clean, and occasionally add to it or switch items out as feels right to you.
Gather objects that help you connect with the holy, mystery, greater forces, the flow of life: photos, items from nature, candles or incense.
Write the name of the difficult person on paper, fold it or place the paper in an envelope.
Light a candle then place the paper on the altar.
Surrender the situation and ask for help to see clearly. When you are done, blow out the candle and let go of consciously controlling the situation. You can come back to this many times.
You might choose to do Tonglen for the person, pray for them, remind yourself of their humanity, or you might prefer to put them out of your mind for awhile.
When that person surfaces in your mind and you no longer have an intense reaction; when you’re no longer engaging with them in your mind, fighting with yourself in your mind about what happened, when the thought surfaces and it passes, and there is no emotional residue in the body— that’s when you know that the work is working; that’s when you know that you’re starting to get free.
Our Sunday Free Community Class Practice: An Altar For Change
(If you do this ahead of time, you can use your real altar)
Visualize where you might place your altar and what objects you would like to place on it. You might have a photo, rocks or natural objects, candles or anything that establishes a sense of being grounded and present. Imagine yourself setting it up.
Bring to mind a difficult person or relationship that is frustrating you and that you would like to see change. In your mind’s eye, write their name on a piece of paper, and fold it or put it into an envelope.
Relax your body, breathe, and establish awareness in the present moment.
Visualize lighting a candle on your altar and place the paper on the altar. Step back and again take it in visually. Surrender the situation. Ask for clarity to see the situation and person differently. You may do Tonglen or actively wish for them to know peace.
When you find yourself thinking about the difficult person, bring this visual to mind and remind yourself that it’s okay to let it be for awhile. Breathe and come back to regulation. Do something nourishing and supportive. Let it go for now.
We can support each other in doing this deep internal work. Join us in our Sunday free community class to inquire and share together. Details to join us here.