Radical Compassion
“Don’t shy away from the suffering of others.
Compassion reminds us of our shared non-negotiable pain of being human.
When we tolerate— even welcome— difficult feelings rather than shut down or run away, we have this incredibly profound opportunity.
Suffering can close our hearts. Compassion transfigures our breaking points, rendering them into beautiful elements of our wholeness.
The surprise and delight of the giving and taking practice of Tonglen is how extending radical compassion fills our own cup.”
Sah D’Simone, from his upcoming book Spiritually, We: The Art of Relating and Connecting From the Heart. For the next several weeks we are working with the principles and practices outlined in these quotes by Sah in Spiritually, We.
Tolerating emotional discomfort, being able to sit with difficult feelings, is a huge part of walking the path of liberation. Intense feelings manifest in the same way— in the body— whether we are alone or with another person. It’s unquestionably harder to rest in the present when you’re emotionally activated and relating to another person.
This is the work between you and you - that first half of the liberation equation - to build capacity to be in your center even when your body is flooded with emotions, even when your mind is flooded with destructive narratives.
You have to regularly practice being in your body - being with your feelings and coming back to center when you’re alone - in order to have any hope of doing so with another person present.
We don’t want to be consumed by our feelings. Some feelings can have more of an inflammatory texture than others, especially when experienced repeatedly without access to your center. But it’s how we relate to those feelings that creates rigidity and contraction.
The body lives in the present. When you invite in a breath, you give your mind the coordinates of your body.
Breath is the gateway to the present moment. If we’re hooked and looping in the past, or future-tripping, it’s nearly impossible to meet a moment of conflict with maturity, let alone radical love and compassion. The present is the place of possibility.
We tend to focus on desired outcomes— in other words, we focus on the future, and a very specific future at that. Our view of what could be becomes very limited. We believe that we can be happy only if we get exactly what we want. That’s the mentality of an addict: I need this in order to feel that.”
Below is a short description of the steps of Tonglen as Sah outlines in his book. Taking in someone else’s suffering seems counter intuitive. We have been working on setting boundaries with people and now we’re letting their gunk into our heart?? No thanks!
Again as in so much of Sah’s work, he reminds us to drop the story and be with the feeling. With this practice, we are acknowledging the truth that suffering is present - our shared non-negotiable pain of being human.
Just like me, the person I’m in conflict with has a very specific life. Here is the link to Radical Friendliness from last week. Awareness of our shared humanity is not saying they are right or wrong. We’re not going to let go of healthy boundaries.
Tonglen is a practice to access radical compassion, strength, resilience, and joy!
Tonglen: Breathing in someone’s suffering and sending relief back out
Sit comfortably, connect with your breath, and rest your mind. Connect your breath and your intention.
Inhale - visualize pain and suffering as a thick, dark smoke you’re drawing into your heart to be transformed by the light of your compassion.
Exhale - visualize a bright, luminous beam of healing emanating out from you, transmitting relief and comfort.
Bring your focus to someone you know who is in pain or is suffering, or any painful situation that is real to you.
Breathe in that pain, the sooty dark clouds, and allow it to penetrate the walls around your heart where it meets your compassion.
Exhale the antidote to the pain, a silent blessing flowing as a river of light to the person. Extend it to all who are in the same situation, sending them a cool fresh balm of relief.
We can support each other in doing this deep internal work. Join us in our Sunday free community class to inquire and share together. Details to join us here.