Practicing Peace
“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher. We can use our difficulties and problems to awaken our hearts.” Pema Chodron
We’ve been there. We all know people who anger us with their entitlement and selfishness, or scare us with their edgy vibe or the look of contempt on their face. Maybe it’s our partner who leaves dirty dishes laying around, or the person at work who undermines us to the boss.
There are many people in the world who do not respect us or believe we have the right to exist and to be free and happy. We can’t be in a healthy relationship with someone who dehumanizes us.
People who are hurting us put us into a survival mode. A fight response can show up as a mean inner critic. We are scornful and nasty, always criticizing ourselves. Sometimes we also direct that outward to others.
The brain likes electrical stimulation and feeds on anger like kindling. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and scared, someone in a fight response feels like they are taking action and protecting themselves. It is hard to stay with fear. Anger makes us feel powerful.
We practice inner and outer peace. On the inside, we can work at seeing through false core deficiency beliefs and develop a more accurate perception of threat. We can learn skills and use powerful tools for emotional self-regulation to recover more quickly from being triggered into our survival responses of fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn.
We can focus on regulating our own nervous system (something we can all do) instead of expecting everyone else to change (not likely). Watch this from last Sunday’s class: Thrown Out of the Nest: Regulating Under Threat
Am I going to add to the aggression in the world? Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war? Pema Chodron
When we feel threatened and go into a survival response, we strike out for protection. We don’t actually want to make it worse, but this is a hard pattern to avoid.
Pema has a suggestion. “We wonder how other people are doing and reflect on how our actions affect other people’s hearts.”
Somatic mindfulness inquiry:
What does it feel like in your body and breath when you are in a fight response? What are your thoughts/emotions? What actions do you want to take?
Reverse inquiry: I can tolerate not winning in this situation
That’s a no! Bring your adult self into ventral vagal, a state of trust and connection using breath, grounding and orienting practices then notice what that statement brings up in you.
What does it feel like in your body and breath when you are in emotional regulation? What are your thoughts/emotions? What actions do you want to take?
How will those actions affect the hearts and feelings of those around me?
I am willing to cultivate practicing peace in this situation
As always, you are welcome to join us in our Sunday free community class to do the inquiries together and share with each other. Click here for links.