Stronger Together
"We need to prioritize our social relationships like our life depends on it, because it does." Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad
The science is clear. Social isolation and loneliness are hard on our health and life span.
We can feel alone in a group or happy on our own so it’s more than physical proximity. What are some factors to consider?
Am I bored? Do I need to infuse new life into the number and variety of my friendships and relationships?
Who can I turn to for emotional support or in a crisis?
Who mentors me? Who do I mentor?
Are my relationships deep and meaningful?
Do I feel safe enough to be vulnerable? Do I actually need to protect myself from harm in this moment or is tightening up mostly based on past history?
Do I make myself small to fit in? Can I be myself?
Whatever your findings, most of us would enjoy more of the right type of connection.
Every increase in social connection generates a decrease in mortality AND when our experience in life has left us with social anxiety and fear of being hurt, we naturally pull back to protect ourselves. We miss opportunities to experience the benefits of reaching out and connecting with other people.
When we focus on giving to others, we can use our own life experience and wisdom to engage empathetically with others. This tends to change our perspective and help our own suffering move to the background.
Because I made a commitment 8 years ago, I show up online every day for a half hour breathing, relaxation and inquiry. This is a blessing in my own meditation practice and I have the satisfaction of knowing how others value our community of support and kind connection.
I know I can make a difference! I have something valuable to share and contribute.
Everyone has something to offer and ways to give.
A lot of this is informal, like taking a neighbor to a medical appointment, helping a child read, being a snow angel, or visiting at a local seniors home.
When we feel down and stuck, reaching out to someone else, hearing their story, and helping ease their suffering helps us feel better too!
Volunteering can ease social anxiety.
Find something you care about and volunteer your time and energy to making it better. Through the 80’s and 90’s I was a passionate activist around feminism, AIDS, and LGBTQ2S+ rights. It provided me with opportunities to grow as a person and to discover and learn new skills: organizing events, grant writing, public speaking, and communicating in groups and media.
When we band together with others, we have the deep satisfaction of knowing we are helping change the world!
What holds us back? We know we’ll feel better. It’s not our conscious mind we need to convince.
How does your nervous system really feel about reaching out?
We will know by sensations in our body and ease/less ease in our breath.
Based on current evidence in our Sunday community class group of like-minded people, even though sometimes we bump into each other and are less than skillful, we know we are safe enough. We are building a stronger more resilient nervous system through our interactions.
The benefits of connection are worth the risk. We acknowledge we will move in and out of nervous system regulation and trust we can reliably come back into connection.
My next step that is possible for me right now to increase social connection is …
Would you like to explore this and other deep conversations in community? Join us.
Resources:
US Surgeon General on Social Connection
Researcher Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad
My Nervous System Protects Me, guided somatic inquiry