Aligned With My Heart

Twenty years ago I had two life changing realizations.

I had for years been unhappy with my partner, and trying to change that relationship absorbed a lot of my mental and emotional attention. I had more than twenty years of evidence that she would or could not change. I stopped deluding myself.

The other “aha” was that my work was not in alignment with my deeper values and interests. I had a “good corporate job”. It was interesting work and I was skilled at it, but it was not like the work I have done for the last ten years. This is my actual life’s work and is also more in alignment with the less well-paying but meaningful social justice work I had done for many years before my corporate job.

Our work and our partners impact us greatly, in part because of our need for social connection and that’s where we spend the majority of our time. I did the hard work that made it possible for me to leave the relationship, and a combination of events made it easier for me to leave that job.

“The effect of trauma is that it disconnects us from ourselves, our sense of value, and the present moment.” Gabor Maté MD

One of my primary regrets is that being in a state of shut-down or freeze so much of my life led me to stay in circumstances that were harmful to myself and others. I couldn’t afford to see clearly, because I couldn’t afford at that time to feel and to make the changes that would bring me into alignment with my deeper knowing. I was stuck.

The combination of my teen trauma and conditioning as a female led me to trade my power for protection. Women are encouraged to be selfless, and that it is good for us to put the needs of others ahead of our own. This is a bad deal! It leaves us open to abuse and does not work.

I realized that I needed to take responsibility for making my own life work. It was only as I finally matured into an adult (in my fifties) that I was able to take back my agency and set my own direction.

Even to sense into what we need can be impossible if we can’t afford to see clearly. The cognitive dissonance is too great once we see it, unless we are also able to take action to change. There are many steps that are helpful, including building a stronger more resilient nervous system, healing our own trauma, and finding community. Then we are more able to take the risk of deeper knowing.

We are exploring this together in our Sunday free community class. Join us.

What does my heart know?

What do I long for?

What is in the way that can move to completion?

I open my fists and let it go

What do I invite in to my life in 2024?

Visualize yourself fully in that life.

Is there more you can release as you invite that in?

I open my hands. I open my heart.

I am authentic. I stand strong.

I am in alignment with my heart.