Our next 6 month program begins October 2019 with a small group of women.
Are you inspired to make a bold move and a big commitment?
Please Email me at lynnfraserstillpoint.com.
I would love to set a time to explore possibilities with you. Lynn
Find Your Stillpoint
SD-USA: “For the first time in my life I feel powerful. I think if I got no better than I am today I could live the rest of my life pretty happily.”
Do you have trouble sleeping because of worry?
Do you make plans for better self-care only to have them all fall apart under the stress of daily life?
Do you have a mean inner critic?
Are you sick of comparing yourself to that mental list of how you “should be”?
Do you say yes when you would like to say no? Maybe you feel trapped in a toxic relationship or someone you love demands your help yet again.
Does your mind torture you with what-ifs and catastrophic thoughts?
Do you wonder when all this personal work will pay off and you’ll be free?
If you can relate, keep reading! Then email firstname.lastname@example.org to set up a time to talk privately with Lynn about the possibilities for you.
Working with Lynn Fraser
NJ-USA: “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. It’s like what a mother should do for her child. Never reject them for anything. I think I have had so much violence in my life. This is new.”
LL-Canada: “We’re not defending ourselves. There are no mean jokes. We’re not waiting for the next comment. We feel safe with each other. We want good for each other. That’s a big thing.”
You reach a tipping point where you realize you don’t have to avoid your feelings.
You become familiar with energy and sensations in your body and know they are not here to hurt you.
You welcome feelings and sensations and use mindfulness inquiry to know why they are here.
You understand yourself and how you work: body, brain, nervous system, emotions and thoughts.
Your mind and emotions are stable and you are developing a solid trust in yourself.
Clarity emerges as you become able to see the truth of your relationships and interactions.
You deeply know who you are and express your creativity and authenticity in life.
You are kind and compassionate to yourself first. Judgmental thoughts and shaming fall away. You are on your own side.
What do these words inspire in you? Take a few deep breaths and imagine living in connection, safety, and being true to yourself. You allow life to unfold and flow. You understand how you were shaped by your life experiences. You open to wisdom, knowing how to heal your relationship with yourself and others.
It is entirely possible to live from our deepest knowing. The clatter of anxiety and catastrophic thinking begins to quiet. Our focus improves and we enjoy relaxing our body and breath. We experience glimpses of the vast depth and stillness of the mind.
Lynn offers this program to support you in dissolving obstacles and clearing the way to a life of authentic depth and grace.
This is a hero’s journey. Transformation is both exciting and unsettling. We need to assimilate and integrate insights and healing into daily life. For this, we need a reliable connection with a safe, trustworthy guide.
This program is for you if you would like to commit to a radical deepening process based on kindness, compassion and the experience of increasing resilience in your nervous system, of freedom from suffering, and deep inner strength and knowing.
HH-USA: “I am in a space of just being really comfortable. I’m okay with me. It’s a new way of living.”
October through April 2020:
6 months of online weekly private sessions and weekly small group meetings.
October 2019: Two weekend online retreats
April 2020: Weekend online retreat
The program is organized into modules to support and bring you systematically through ever deepening layers. We work with these areas in order and simultaneously. You don’t need to perfect one area before including the next. This holistic, comprehensive program works on multiple levels.
What happened? How did I get this way?
I grew up in a family that was stable and secure, in the sense that there was no addiction, mental illness or chaos. My parents did their best given what they felt was important and their own capacity. What I didn’t feel was connected. I didn’t have a sense of intrinsic value or belonging.
“They all wanted validation. Every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’” Oprah
Children experience both physical and emotional neglect as a survival level threat. We literally need the protection of our family and group to live. This is easy to understand when we are looking at the basics of food, shelter, and protection from predators. Anything threatening this inclusion is alarming to our nervous system and primitive brain. We are desperate to fit in. Fear drives our behaviors and these experiences create physical, mental and emotional blocks holding us back from thriving.
“The world won’t fully become enlightened until each and every person on the planet has a regulated nervous system.” Dr Peter Levine, trauma expert and founder of Somatic Experiencing.
Shaming is a powerful tool meant to correct behavior that could get us thrown out and ostracized. It is meant to be used within a context of connection. When we feel connected to someone and they let us know we have done something wrong, we recognize we need to change our behavior. When our bond is strong enough, we know we matter to them and they still value us as a person.
“The effect of abuse and neglect is that we disconnect from ourselves, the present moment and our sense of value.” Gabor Mate, MD
Where there is abuse or neglect, our predominant experience is one of being marginalized and left out. Toxic shaming leaves a residue of core deficiency beliefs, of the sinking feeling that we are fundamentally flawed and broken.
We cannot afford to feel this and desperately try to escape. Enter catastrophic thinking, living from the neck up, anxiety and looming dread in our body, process addictions (overwork, shopping, gambling, pornography, gaming) and substance addictions (alcohol and other drugs, food).
We disconnect based on our experience. We can connect again using kindness first towards ourselves and highly effective tools to strengthen and heal our system.
We hold on mightily to our defense mechanisms until we don’t need them. During our work together, you have direct experience of surviving being present with your whole being and this builds confidence.
This safety allows you to connect within, to know yourself all the way to your core, and to whole-heartedly welcome yourself with kindness and compassion. Denial melts like fine quality chocolate on a warm afternoon.
“Our work is to get to the place where we like ourselves and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us. We can spend our entire life betraying ourselves and choosing fitting in over standing alone.” Dr Brené Brown
This program is for you if you are interested in deeply knowing who you are. You are not new to personal growth. You see changes in your life already and know there is more available to you.
Find Your Stillpoint is organized into modules to support and bring you systematically through ever deepening layers. We work with these areas in order and simultaneously. You don’t need to perfect one area before including the next. This holistic, comprehensive program works on multiple levels.
Identifying and Understanding Obstacles
Trauma and its effects
Prioritizing safety over connection
Habits of thought and momentum in body
Over-identification with thoughts and emotions
Being out of touch with our deeper knowing
Perceptions that cause suffering: It’s not fair! It should not be this way!
Intrusive, fearful, catastrophic thought
The potent experience of shame and the survival level threat of ostracism
Working together, you widen your window of tolerance within the basic premise of safety and honoring your experience. We start where you are, validating your defenses and strategies as necessary. As you experience safety, you naturally let go of what is no longer serving you.
Body and Breath
There is a growing recognition of the importance of working somatically, with our bodies
Our body, breath, and energy are both obstacles and gateways
Our bodies reflect our life to this point and hold unresolved experiences of trauma and shame
We reach a tipping point when we actually know that the feelings in our body are not here to hurt us
We get to know our body and it naturally relaxes as stored trauma releases
As we focus on noticing sensation and energy in our body, associated memories resolve
Relaxation and breathing practices build resilience and stability in our nervous system
Breath awareness and practices to calm and energize begin with 24/7 diaphragmatic, smooth, even breath, and include special practices like extended exhalation to elicit the body’s relaxation response
All participants are highly encouraged to participate regularly in daily online practice. The consistency of breathing, relaxation and inquiry is instrumental in deep healing and sends a powerful message of caring to ourselves. With time, our body and mind become known and familiar.
Friends With Your Mind: Thoughts
A racing mind keeps us up at night, entertaining endless catastrophic possibilities
We ruminate, chewing on what we can’t accept
Anxious and intrusive thinking can take hold in the mind and create intense suffering
We learn to work skillfully with the words and images
We become aware of tension in the jaw from subvocalizing, words spoken or held in
As we become more comfortable with our body, we attend to thoughts attached to energy
We train our mind to concentrate in the moment
Dissociating into fantasy or anxious streams of thought lessens
We are no longer helpless in the turbulence of life and it all becomes workable
Through trauma sensitive mindfulness, we see our experiences and interpretations
We develop a clear mind in part by being with people who have a clear mind
We patiently work with our mind and it becomes an ally
Our lives are richer because we are present and engaged
Compassion and Kindness
It is common to have less compassion for ourselves than for others in a similar situation
This is a natural defense against feeling powerless and the magical thinking of “if only”
Core deficiency beliefs are formed to give us the maximum survival advantage by turning against ourselves instead of our parents and caregivers
As we begin to see through these incorrect beliefs, we access our authentic sense of positive self-worth
We develop perspective on our lives
We become more able to work with guilt, shame, forgiveness, regret, and acceptance of what is
We are kind and compassionate with ourselves
Connecting with Others
As we become safe for ourselves, we widen our window of tolerance and social anxiety lessens
Mindfulness practices help us maintain equanimity and presence when with other people
We increasingly become more able to be authentic with a variety of people
Boundaries are appropriate and less based on fear and codependence
Friends on the path strengthen and inspire us
We develop the capacity to deeply listen to other people as we do with ourselves
We help and inspire others through our own presence and unconditional acceptance
Embodiment is defined as giving a tangible or visible form to an idea, quality or feeling
Working somatically means that we are directly aware of the feelings in our body without the distancing of perception, labels and thought
As we dissolve the obstacles in our body, breath, energy and thoughts, we naturally access the internal, intimate witness to our lives and Being
Mindfulness and presence practices allow us to know silence and stillness
We experience depth during group meditation and gradually stabilize this on our own
The direct experience of knowing and befriending ourselves strengthens internal equanimity
We become fully engaged in our own lives
We thoroughly understand “how it works”
We know the drivers of human behavior
We become skilled at assessing ourselves
We are trauma informed: we learn about cutting edge research and test it through our own life
We sense what is the right obstacle to work with for now and best approach at this time
We are experienced with a variety of tools and practices to stabilize and heal ourselves
We are skilled at self-facilitating inquiry
We are practical, patient and kind, knowing what to apply, when, and with what intensity
We develop trust in ourselves
We enjoy our growing capacity for response and skillful living
We live in awareness in the present moment
We develop a life that is meaningful, in alignment with our true and authentic self
“Teach only what you practice.” Himalayan Tradition
The focus in our time together is to deepen your own inner connection and to become proficient with the tools and practices of inquiry, calming your own nervous system, and becoming friends with your own mind. Emotional purification and self-regulation develop naturally through contact with others with a clear mind.
As our inner work deepens, our world changes. We experience equilibrium, grounding and stability. We are not as reactive to other people and their judgments and opinions. We have clarity. We see more than the look on someone’s face and their surface actions. We understand human behavior. We are trauma informed and see through this lens.
“Wherever you go, there you are.” Jon Kabat-Zinn
We have compassion for ourselves. We have a context for the events and experience of our lives and how we have reacted to them. Our development through our childhood years was based on our experience. As adults, we have regrets, some perhaps intensely difficult to work with. We have stopped shaming ourselves and others for being human and for our pasts.
As we become clear and open, the natural juiciness of life opens up to us. In the past, a lot of our life energy was used up in resistance and avoiding our feelings and discomfort. What will your life be like now? Mine includes walking on the beach in Nova Scotia inhaling the fresh air with my shoulders relaxed. I play flute in two non-professional jazz bands and I’m learning to improvise. I am safe for people because I am safe for myself.
“Having fun is not a diversion from a successful life; it is the pathway to it.” Martha Beck
We see ourselves. First. This builds our capacity for seeing others and opens the channel for us to help other people. By seeing them. Not by wanting to change them. Not by needing someone to be healed so we can feel safer. Not by protecting ourselves from their judgment because we secretly fear it is true. We are healing from corrosive self denigration and leaving shame behind.
We know and trust ourselves. We relax into life. The deepening compassion we feel for ourselves naturally opens into extending this to others. We know ourselves to be whole.
“When you are one step ahead, reach your hand back.” Swami Veda Bharati
This program is a foundation and gateway to living in freedom. Participation throughout this six months will allow you to work skillfully with yourself and heal relationships. You will have the skills to support deepening with family and friends.
What Our Graduates Say
NJ-USA “It was very healing to be able to share what I was going through and to still feel the acceptance and still feel the love and still feel the support. It’s like what a mother should do for her child. Never reject them for anything. I’m very touched by that.
I think what is really striking me is how non-violent this time has been together. I think I have had so much violence in my life. This is new. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way.
I want more of this, just this right now. And I think I don’t really know what that entails beyond obviously doing what we’re already doing with the practice but I want to practice non-violence in everything. I want what Lynn exudes. I want that for myself.”
HH-USA “I am in a space of just being really comfortable. I’m okay with me.
I think something that has come up for me just the last couple of months is kind of a mantra. To be honest with myself about myself. And I think if I can do that without a lot of striving but with a lot of openness and use the tools, it’s a new way of living for me. If I’m honest with me then I’ll be honest in my relationships. Stillness, it lets us kind of look into the mirror and not do it in a deprecating way but with kindness.”
SD-USA “I’m just very balanced.
“Six months ago I said I wanted to “get ‘er done” and I feel like I’ve made great strides towards that but there’s still stuff in there and that’s a really good lesson. It told me don’t be surprised or frustrated or disappointed when things come up. They’re going to come up. The most important thing I’ve learned is that things don’t last. So, I can get through anything. That’s really important. I’ll take it when it comes and work with it. I’m just confident that I can take on whatever appears. For the first time in my life I feel powerful.
I think if I got no better than I am today I could live the rest of my life pretty happily. Especially right now sitting with all of you.”
LL-Canada “In talking with my friends here I know their life stories a bit and they know mine. This depth of exchange, this connection. It’s better than maturity, better than being an adult. It’s how relating to people can be. There are no jokes that are mean. We’re not defending ourselves. We’re not waiting for the next comment. We’re not shaming ourselves. We feel safe with each other. We want good for each other. That’s a big thing for me. I need to choose kind safe friends.
It’s just amazing the tiny threads, the small and huge things that happened over this time. I have pretty much always buried myself in the next project, an all consuming thing putting everything else aside until I’ve finished. Not now. I have a house to rehabilitate, I love my work, yoga, volunteer teaching. Before I could not even think of everything at once. Now, as I keep all the balls in the air, I’m more relaxed and creative. My outcomes are better.
For the first time in the company of other people I felt I could do what I wanted to do and went and did that. It’s genuinely freeing. Now I am using my observations toward me first. What do I need? What would help me? This isn’t selfish, it’s adult.”
Find Your Stillpoint 6 Month Program Details
3 weekend online retreats
25 weekly private sessions with me
25 small group community meetings to deepen our understanding, practice and explore together
Support via our private Facebook group
My book Friends With Your Mind, How to Stop Torturing Yourself With Your Thoughts
Attend my workshops and classes as my guest
Cost $3,997 US or 4 installments of $1,050
Option B: Same as above except for biweekly private sessions with me for 13 private sessions instead of 25.
Cost $3,097 US or 4 installments of $795
This six month program is a container where you can work deeply with what is holding you back from thriving and fully enjoying life. Our private sessions provide a safe, non-judgmental space in which any information or feelings can be shared. Being able to name our deepest fears and shame to a compassionate, accepting human being is key for releasing shame and holding yourself in positive regard. We learn to be on our own side.
The experience of feeling safe in a group transforms how we move in relationship with others. We have the direct experience of being authentic and vulnerable and being met with acceptance and respect. We learn to be present and kind with each other. We heal our deep internal wounds, become steadier and are able to risk connecting. The direct experience of being safe for each other helps to heal relational trauma.
Safety IS the treatment
We reach a tipping point where we know through experience that the energy and sensation in our body is not here to hurt us. We stop the drive for perfection and give up being at war with ourselves. In this atmosphere of kindness and compassion, we feel safer. We can be surprised by what comes forward to be seen and acknowledged.
The core of your personal work is your 25 private sessions with me. Most of the time we meet once a week. If something big is “up”, we’ll meet a few times a week for awhile. After a breakthrough, you might choose to allow more time between sessions for assimilating and settling. Timing is flexible.
“Lynn has experienced a profound recognition of present moment awareness and embodies it naturally. That’s the kind of teacher anyone would want, for if one’s teacher does not have the direct experience of what is being taught, true transformation just cannot happen.”” ~ Scott Kiloby
“Lynn is the real deal.” ~ Dr. Rick Hanson
“Hers was the most skilled, compassionate interview presence I’ve ever experienced.” ~ Dr. Bob Weathers
“Freedom! Lynn’s work unraveled my false beliefs about me. My personal relationships are healthier. Most important, I have more fun. If you have the chance, work with Lynn.” L.
“As a 53-year-old survivor of childhood trauma, I’ve done more than my share of therapy in search of a greater understanding of myself. It wasn’t until I did a trauma education course with Lynn followed by deep exploratory work using the Living Inquiries that I can say that I found what I had been looking for. Lynn has an incredible aptitude for teaching, facilitating the Inquiries and, last but not least, offering connection and hope. I’m very grateful for the work we have done together.” S.
“Lynn brings an anchor of clarity to the stormy sea of thoughts that my mind is always trying to churn up. She uses clear and simple techniques that helped me finally get out of my head and into the present moment.” C.
“I could see myself walking on the beach as a person just walking on the beach, not as a person who eats compulsively walking on the beach. Your class and words were so helpful to me on my healing journey. I don’t know if I would have recovered as quickly. That first class just helped me face it and breath into it. And now I can think of it without all that hurt and fear. So very grateful for finding you!!” K.
“For years I have been trying to “think” my way out of my compulsive thoughts and anxiety. Until I found your book online. Sharing what went on in your mind, Lynn, was an act of love for humanity. It was like reading about myself. Finally I was not alone or weird or sick or doomed. I thank you Lynn.” M.
“The Friends With Your Mind course helped me understand and accept for the first time how affected I actually was by past trauma. And how much energy had been going into ‘soldiering through’. After softly landing in life “just as it is”, I was not only offered Lynn’s knowledge, experience and deep understanding, but also the stunning wealth of resources she is making available to continue to help me/us accept and feel safe with myself, to heal and become friends with all of our experience.” A.
“I am grateful for Lynn’s sensitivity, integrity and skill as she holds the space for me to feel the fear I’ve unknowingly avoided my entire life. Lynn’s gentle intelligent guidance through inquiry has helped release the velcro that kept my thoughts welded to my gut-wrenching feelings. That welding, that glue drove my self-defeating behaviour. Anyone considering this work could only benefit from Lynn’s compassion and expertise.” L.
“I’ve been in a crisis of extreme depression and loneliness. Lynn has helped me to notice the mind’s propensity to want to do something about it. That’s resistance in disguise. It’s the resistance that seems to perpetuate the suffering.” S.
“I realized during these practices that I cannot tolerate silence when with other people. I feel I have to start jabbering away to fill in the empty space. Upon meditating about this, what came up for me was when my parents were fighting (often) and yelling at each other, what followed was silence (sometimes for days and days) which as a child was very threatening to me. I have sat with this realization several times and come to the understanding that silence can be safe, comfortable and non-threatening. I totally enjoy listening to others conversations and have resisted the urge to fill in the silent spaces. I am learning so very much from our daily practices and your workshops. I cannot express enough how much I appreciate and thank you for your wise knowledge, honesty and the kindness and patience you show us.” W.
“Lynn, thank you so much for the wonderful guided inquiry. I am working on staying with my feelings, but often have “ok, I feel it but now what” thoughts. Now you have given me a valuable template to work with.” H.
“Lynn is a master at breaking down the elements needed toward becoming intimate with how our thinking and nervous system works and making positive change.” Sutra Ray Robinson
“Lynn has willingly and courageously walked the walk; so now she can convincingly talk the talk. She has discovered an equanimity that that is available to all. It is peace she offers, with a smile.” Colette Kelso
“Lynn takes us through the process of how to change our relationship to thoughts, and how we can free ourselves from the tyranny of our thinking.” Fiona Murphy, MSW RSW
My commitment to you is my whole-hearted presence and attention as we work together. The program includes private sessions and group classes plus the retreats. If at any time you need to leave the program, I will calculate what you have used and refund the balance.
“I sent Lynn tuition for a course I couldn’t attend and she refunded my $2,099 the same day.” Lane L, Canada
“Whatever you choose, peace and stillness are yours to keep.” ~ Lynn