Trauma

My Biggest Fan

I love you. I support you. I’m on your side. What gets in the way of connecting with yourself? Of being your own supporter and friend? It feels sad to me when we can’t be our own biggest fan, when

There are many things in life for which we are responsible. Fixing our parents is NOT one of them! It is an impossible task, especially for a child. Yet over and over we step up and try. We fail because

Burn to the ground?

Anger. Irritation. Fiery. Cold and implacable. Indignation. Righteous. Infuriated. Resentment. Tantrum. Enmity. Fury. Hatred. Violence. Blow up. Mad. Rage. We have a lot of words to describe the varying intensity of anger. Is it dangerous to feel angry? It feels

Trauma Expert Dr Gabor Maté

“Trauma causes us to disconnect from ourselves, our sense of value, and from the present moment.” Dr Gabor Maté I recommend Dr Maté and tell his definition to people at least a dozen times every week. Trauma doesn’t only happen

The Bodyguard

Do you remember that scene in The Bodyguard where Whitney Houston is swept into Kevin Costner’s arms and carried to safety? Adrenaline is pumping. The danger is extreme and Kevin Costner is on high alert. Due to his action, the

The Key to Freedom

The energy, sensations and feelings in our body are a rich source of information on what has not yet been resolved and healed. Welcoming and attending to our experience, turning towards instead of away from our feelings, is the key

Hatred and Fear

“Some people find relief in drugs like heroin, some are finding relief and validation in harboring hate. Both hate and addiction are a manifestation of a society that is ill, disconnected, and traumatized. Just like addiction provides relief to people

Still We Love Them

I left home when I was 17. I crashed with a friend for a few months, hitchhiked halfway across Canada and partied in a quest for connection and oblivion. Looking back, it hits hard just how much danger I was

Healing Scar Tissue

A dear friend badly burned her leg a few years ago. The skin partially regenerated but it is still sensitive and papery thin. It will never completely recover. Many people had the experience of not feeling physically safe and protected

Moved To Tears

Reconnect and Fall in Love With Yourself, a women’s healing trauma retreat. What happens at a retreat like this? 7 women arrived Friday late afternoon and settled in at a classic old farmhouse. People are nervous before something like this.

Memory

Memory. Last week people all over the world were glued to their screens as a courageous woman who remembered every detail of an attempted rape recounted her experience. And the testimony of a man who might have been lying or

The Fear Factor

How does fear affect your life? For most people, it is a long list with a wide reach. Our primitive brain is set up to ensure the survival of the species and fear gets our attention. Fight, flight, freeze kicks

Trauma Therapist Podcast

Listen on iTunes episode #304 or The Trauma Therapist Website I was interviewed by Guy MacPherson for the Trauma Therapist Podcast and it went live this week. Guy is experienced and asked good questions (I’m episode #304!). He asked about the

A Big Commitment

Is this the right time to make a big commitment to yourself? You may be interested in my six month program Find Your Stillpoint I believe in basic goodness We all reflexively avoid pain You are resilient, strong and courageous

Time for a System Upgrade!

We have a nervous system and primitive brain ideally suited for human conditions over the last hundreds of thousands of years. We avoid pain and seek pleasure. We instinctively pull back from fire. We avoid life threats. We evolved this

Calming Catastrophic Thinking

How do we calm ourselves when we’re worried about something? We’ll be reminded of something – maybe someone around us gets sick or we get news about our own health. It’s natural to try to figure out what to do. All

Empathetic Witnessing

When I read this by Gabor Maté it rang true. What is also true is that we are no longer alone, helpless, and without support. We are adults now. We can stop shaming and judgment. We can be there for

I Wasn’t Calm I Was Frozen

I always thought of myself as quite calm. I was actually frozen. It is how I got through my traumatic teen years and I realize now that the protective freeze took many decades to completely thaw. This makes sense. Children

Tragic Accidents

Death is a hard stop. We know in our heads that human bodies are fragile and vulnerable. The possibility of death co-exists with life. Our own life. People we love. People we know. It is not possible to live with

Healing Trauma Retreat

Last weekend 13 women met at Reconnect and Fall in Love With Ourselves, a healing trauma workshop retreat in a gorgeous old growth Acadian forest at Windhorse Farm. The forecasted showers didn’t happen and we had warm sunshine through the

Committing to my body

My drive for emotional safety overpowered care for my body. We have many words to describe the very common dissociation of ourselves from our bodies. “She’s stuck in her head.” “I live from the neck up.” We feel like we

Fire at my heels

How do we move about in the world when the fear abates? When the drive to compete disappears? When we validate and value ourselves internally? We can accomplish a lot driven by fear. And what a price we pay! Fire

Forgiving My Nervous System

Take a few deep breaths and relax your whole body from head to toes. Look at these sentences and notice your response. Someone came up behind me and I jumped a foot. I am frustrated that I startle so easily

What happened to you?

Oprah said she hopes her piece on childhood trauma on 60 Minutes will be revolutionary. That’s a big hope and I share it. The question is not “What’s wrong with that person?” The right question is “What happened to you?” Childhood

Shaming Does Not Work

There is a pervasive and incorrect belief that shaming is an effective way to inspire change and improvement. Psychological studies and research in the past ten years have proven conclusively that this is untrue. The effects of shaming are that

Fear of Trauma Stored in our Body

Unhealed trauma is stored in the tissues of our body. Traumatic experiences are either processed completely or partially or perhaps hardly at all. They cause a disconnect from ourselves and the present moment. This “leaving the scene” is part of

Connection and Safety

What stops you from being authentic? From taking a risk and sharing who you really are with someone? Past experience is a factor. We’ve all taken those risks and been shut down. We’ve tried to connect. Sometimes it has worked.

It Happened to My Friend, Son, Granddaughter …

If I had stopped talking back … If only I had stood up for myself and my siblings instead of burying my head in a book … If I wasn’t too stupid to get good marks in school … If

Safe Enough

“For a person to truly recover from a traumatic experience, they need to learn at the level of their body that the danger has passed.” Dr Bessel van der Kolk Joy. Grief. Terror. Connection. Isolation. Kindness. Betrayal. Compassion. Oceans and

Braving the Wilderness

Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, by Dr Brené Brown. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, joy, trust, intimacy, courage – everything that brings meaning to our life.” Brené Brown A dictionary definition

Alice’s Fund

Alice “If I die before you, will you write my eulogy?” So began a text I received from Alice in the summer of 2017. Alice continued her plea for understanding: “Please explain to my family what happened to my body,

Connection is the Essence of Safety

“Connection is the essence of safety.” Dr Gabor Maté I was just in Toronto for a two day Compassionate Inquiry workshop with Dr Maté. There were 450 of us in a large Cineplex theatre yet he easily held a space

Radical Recovery Summit interviews

Watch all 24 interviews! What impacted you most? Who do you want to watch again? The two most-watched interviews were Scott Kiloby on Real Freedom and Dr Gabor Mate on Trauma, Connection and Addiction. In this Summit, we get to

Radical Recovery Radical Freedom

Radical Recovery is Radical Freedom We all use substances and processes to modify our experience in the moment. Sometimes it progresses from a temporary relief, fun, or a simple distraction into addiction. There is difference between an ice cream on a