I am consistently kind and compassionate with myself. I don’t turn on myself when something “goes wrong”. I intimately know myself and I am on my own side. That is not true for most people. It has not always been
Kind & Compassionate With Myself
Open Hearted Presence
What niggles at us, and what we worry about, points to what needs our unconditional kind attention. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve had enough. I hate that people act the way they do. I just want to be happy
The Greatest Gift You Can Give the World is a Peaceful Mind
When people around you are in an uproar, there has been a flood or school shooting and you are feeling heartsick with grief, when people close to you are anxious, try to not add to the chaos. Steady yourself. Come
Outsider
You are the designated difficult person in your family – not “like” the others You are queer in a heterosexual family who does or doesn’t accept or celebrate you You are of a different race to the rest of your
Connection After Ordinary Trauma
“Safety is the absence of threat PLUS the feeling of connection.” Dr StephenPorges Somatic mindfulness practices allow us to track the actual mechanisms of disconnection. It makes complete sense that when we bump into stored trauma, we feel overwhelmed and
Should We Get Back on the Horse?
In 2005, I was physically assaulted while riding my bicycle to work. Both police officers on the scene told me to ride my bike to work the next day or I never would. They assured me it was very unlikely
Cues of Safety
This week I had the honor and pleasure of interviewing Dr Stephen Porges for the Radical Recovery Summit. Those of you who are familiar with my work have heard me say many times “Safety IS the Treatment”. It has become
What We Want – What We Need – What We Get
“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, well, you just might find. You get what you need.” Rolling Stones We want people to be careful with our tender hearts. We long to be seen and
Metabolizing Trauma Through Our Bodies
“Without a clear and present focus on the body, trauma cannot be addressed.” Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands Like many others, I have been more deeply engaged in racial justice and anti-racism since the murder of George Floyd in May
Sharing Authentically
Listen here if you prefer We all long for it. That moment when we share something personal and the other person “gets it”. Our direct experience is that we took a risk to be authentic, and we are rewarded with
Safety IS the treatment
“Safety IS the treatment.” In order to heal, we need to feel safe. Dr Stephen Porges defines safety as the absence of threat PLUS a feeling of connection. “Trauma is what happens inside us as a result of what happens to us.
Gratitude
This week I had my 67th birthday, my dog Shantih turns one, and I celebrated my one year anniversary of living in the forest at the ocean. This morning in daily practice we did a gratitude practice. Neuroscience tells us
No One Can Prevent us from Being Safe with Ourselves
It’s simple really. We need to be cared for. We need someone to see us, and love us, and keep us safe. When that doesn’t happen our nervous system knows that it’s not happening. Cognitive understanding is important. We need
What Kind Of An Idiot Would…?!!
We’ve all been there, at the wheel or in the passenger seat. We’re driving along and someone does something inconsiderate that sets off a flare of rage. They roar up beside our car then cut us off, forcing us to