We’ve all been there, at the wheel or in the passenger seat. We’re driving along and someone does something inconsiderate that sets off a flare of rage. They roar up beside our car then cut us off, forcing us to
What Kind Of An Idiot Would…?!!
The Fear Factor
How does fear affect your life? For most people, it is a long list with a wide reach. Our primitive brain is set up to ensure the survival of the species and fear gets our attention. Fight, flight, freeze kicks
Healthy Mind in Everyday Life
As we heal from trauma, we develop strength and resilience. Our mind and system settles and we become calmer. We now know that we can’t emotionally self-regulate on our own. We co-regulate, which means we need to be around people
Calming Catastrophic Thinking
How do we calm ourselves when we’re worried about something? We’ll be reminded of something – maybe someone around us gets sick or we get news about our own health. It’s natural to try to figure out what to do. All
Swim towards help
I heard recently that when the Coastguard arrives at a rescue where many people are in the water, they first help the people who are swimming towards them. Your interest in reading this tells me you are one of the
Red Alert
A few years ago journalist Johann Hari began speaking about the root cause of addiction being a lack of connection. Trauma expert Dr Gabor Maté speaks about unresolved intergenerational and personal trauma at the root of disconnection from ourselves and
Fire at my heels
How do we move about in the world when the fear abates? When the drive to compete disappears? When we validate and value ourselves internally? We can accomplish a lot driven by fear. And what a price we pay! Fire
Forgiving My Nervous System
Take a few deep breaths and relax your whole body from head to toes. Look at these sentences and notice your response. Someone came up behind me and I jumped a foot. I am frustrated that I startle so easily
The Compulsion to “Figure It Out”
The quote below is from a conversation at the end of a daily practice last week. Most anxiety and depression comes with intrusive thoughts and the compulsion to “figure it out”. Noticing this as a red flag is so helpful
Allowing Everyone To Be Exactly As They Are
Allowing everyone to be exactly as they are. Just the words can create a flurry of activity in the mind. The principle makes sense to us and it is also something we mightily resist! The intensity of our response is
Giving back
The experience of feeling connected and valued feels wonderful! The experience of feeling socially isolated and left out – not so much! It feels sad and threatening. My sense is that part of the benefit of giving to others is
Fear of Trauma Stored in our Body
Unhealed trauma is stored in the tissues of our body. Traumatic experiences are either processed completely or partially or perhaps hardly at all. They cause a disconnect from ourselves and the present moment. This “leaving the scene” is part of
Join me in Calgary and Red Deer
I’m excited to be heading back home to Alberta this week. Most of my work and community meets online. I also treasure these opportunities to meet in person. Friends With Your Mind, How To Stop Torturing Yourself With Your Thoughts
Silence
I have a lot of quiet in my life. I live alone now, in a quiet place. I spend time in nature. Nature’s sounds feel like quiet. I meditate, in silence. My mind is mostly free of intrusive and compulsive
Practices! Friends With Your Mind
Hot off the press! The companion guide to Friends With Your Mind, How To Stop Torturing Yourself With Your Thoughts is now available on Amazon! Is a racing mind keeping you from sleep? Go right to the practices for ruminating
Be Yourself!
Why are some people so sensitive to other people’s opinions and judgments of them? Watch this clip from my interview with Dr Gabor Maté. People with PTSD are more susceptible to other people’s opinions of them than people who haven’t
Heartsick
We are living in difficult times. It is hard to let in what we are seeing and experiencing in the aftermath of the violence in Charlottesville and the appalling response from Trump. There has also been an outpouring of people
The “Really??!!” Diet
Our habits and minds have so much momentum. This shows up in the way we take the edge off what we’re feeling or escape the present moment through some kind of comforting or addictive behavior. I have been using the word
Healing Shame
Shame works on a continuum from healthy to toxic. Shaming is used by all cultures to let people know the rules so they can fit in. Shaming feels intense because we must belong in order to survive. Children die if