I am the most interesting person to me. What is your first response to that?
Are any of these these familiar from childhood? “Don’t be too full of yourself!” “Who do you think you are?” “Nobody likes a show-off.”
The reasons behind shaming children can be well intentioned. Children are pretty self-involved and adults try to broaden our perspective so we can consider the needs of other people too. Messages like these often result in a feeling of not being worthwhile and that there is something fundamentally selfish and wrong with us.
I want to deeply know who I am. I’m interested in my responses and thoughts.
I’m willing to open to new possibilities. I sense there is more freedom available to me as I heal old wounds and habits of body and mind.
I want to know why I get distracted and stop paying attention to myself. What is going on when I lose my awareness of the present moment? Why do I zone out or fall into judging myself? What is driving these patterns that cause disconnection from myself?
This is what I know and believe in. I like and respect myself. I know I am not perfect and I don’t shame myself for that. As I get to know myself better I have a different perspective on my life and my defence mechanisms. I can see how they arise and the cost of them. I am steadier on my feet and I am developing resilience.
It feels risky to deeply know someone. When we’ve been hurt by other people, we’re hesitant to trust. The past controls us to some degree. It’s also true that other people aren’t really trustworthy in the sense of meeting our needs perfectly. They might be absorbed in their own troubles and ignore us or get emotionally flooded and lash out. Without our own internal steadiness and knowing our own value, this feels devastating.
I don’t have to defend myself against knowing who I am. I am a good human being, just as I am now. I am worth getting to know.
Try these two guided practices. What comes up for you?