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We develop beliefs based on experience. If our primary experience in childhood is that we are loved and cared for, that we are part of a family unit we feel safe in, that we are not bullied, neglected or abused, our brain and nervous system develop based on that experience.
Many children do not have that life. Many children have an experience of neglect, abuse, not being safe, and of being harmed. In a child’s world, it is a survival level threat for them to question or blame their parents for what is happening. We turn the criticism inward. We need to keep that connection with our caregivers, even if it is not very safe or reliable.
Core deficiency beliefs are formed based on the experiences we have. Repeated experiences of feeling unlovable, unworthy, stupid or not good enough, lead us to form a belief that we are that. We are unlovable. We are stupid. We are not good enough. These inaccurate beliefs come along with words, pictures, and memories. They are connected with energy and sensation in the body.
Do this practice to see your core beliefs and to loosen up the Velcro between thoughts and the energy in your body. Dr Gabor Maté talks about trauma being a disconnection from ourselves, from our essence. That can happen because of tsunamis, wars or abuse, and it can also happen through neglect or just not being seen.
Our parents are not to blame. Trauma is at the root of what was going on with them as well. Now that we are adults, we can begin to have a look at what is driving us. What are our core deficiency beliefs? How can we heal?
The Living Inquiries have great tools for that. We look at words and pictures and dissolve the Velcro, the energy and sensation that makes it feel like these incorrect beliefs are true. When someone has an experience of being hurt and abused, the conclusion they reach might be something like “They abused me because I deserved it. I am disgusting”.
The reframe might be “The person who abused me is responsible. I was traumatized by the experience. I deserve safety and protection just like everyone else. I can be kind with myself and support my own healing now. I can work with my nervous system and with my thoughts. Those are incorrect conclusions. It is not the truth.”
By doing the practices and reframing, we can see this for ourselves, and allow incorrect core deficiency beliefs to dissolve. Then we are free.
This is from Practices! Friends With Your Mind. See it on Amazon here