When we water plants in dry soil, it helps to pour in just a bit of water, let it sink in a bit to soften the soil then pour in the rest. If we don’t soften up the dry soil first, the water runs right through and out the holes in the bottom. The plant doesn’t receive the much needed nourishment.
There is an obvious analogy here to taking in kindness and compassion. When core deficiency beliefs are deeply entrenched, our tight contracted “soil” is unable to truly accept approval, compliments, validation or love. We have a foreboding sense that “if they only knew the real me”, they would turn away. The heart-stopping possibility that we might be worthy is part of what makes falling in love so compelling.
There is a magic pill to healing. Attuning to ourselves with kindness does work. And it is time release. We developed strategies and defenses through our lifetime.
After decades of judging yourself harshly, it is a mindfulness practice to notice and intentionally stop. Kindness and compassion then have some space to enter and grow.
When our pattern is to ignore and suppress our feelings, it makes sense we are somewhat skeptical when we suddenly want to know “what’s up?” And yet we long for that intimate attention.
Before I started meditating 25 years ago, I had no idea of how compulsive and unhealthy my mind was. I see now that most of the time I was following random thoughts or distracted by pain in my back. My shoulders were like cement. My body was unknown territory. I had very few tools to calm and relax. I needed to get to know my inner world gradually in order to fully appreciate and love myself as I do today. It is a time release magic pill. That works for me.