Last weekend 13 women met at Reconnect and Fall in Love With Ourselves, a healing trauma workshop retreat in a gorgeous old growth Acadian forest at Windhorse Farm. The forecasted showers didn’t happen and we had warm sunshine through the
After working with me regularly for several months, many people tell me “I used to think you were overdoing it the way you keep bringing everything back to trauma. Now I get it.” Looking through this lens helps us to
How do we move about in the world when the fear abates? When the drive to compete disappears? When we validate and value ourselves internally? We can accomplish a lot driven by fear. And what a price we pay! Fire
Take a few deep breaths and relax your whole body from head to toes. Look at these sentences and notice your response. Someone came up behind me and I jumped a foot. I am frustrated that I startle so easily
Oprah said she hopes her piece on childhood trauma on 60 Minutes will be revolutionary. That’s a big hope and I share it. The question is not “What’s wrong with that person?” The right question is “What happened to you?” Childhood
There is a pervasive and incorrect belief that shaming is an effective way to inspire change and improvement. Psychological studies and research in the past ten years have proven conclusively that this is untrue. The effects of shaming are that
In Brene Brown’s extraordinary book Braving the Wilderness, she has a chapter called “Speak truth to bullshit. Be civil.” She speaks about truth in our interactions with other people and points to what is happening inside. Shame can be triggered
I would love to say that sexual shaming of young women today is radically different from my own experiences fifty years ago. That would be untrue. And it breaks my heart. Objectification of women and our bodies still predominates in
If I had stopped talking back … If only I had stood up for myself and my siblings instead of burying my head in a book … If I wasn’t too stupid to get good marks in school … If
Bright blessed days … dark sacred nights … what a wonderful world This time of year people reflect on endings and beginning. It feels like an opportunity to start fresh. To take stock and to realign ourselves with our true
Alice “If I die before you, will you write my eulogy?” So began a text I received from Alice in the summer of 2017. Alice continued her plea for understanding: “Please explain to my family what happened to my body,
“Connection is the essence of safety.” Dr Gabor Maté I was just in Toronto for a two day Compassionate Inquiry workshop with Dr Maté. There were 450 of us in a large Cineplex theatre yet he easily held a space
Seeing ourselves intimately is the beginning, middle and end of our healing journey. In our Friends With The Mind course this week, I shared at the end what I now know to be true. We are all basically good
Radical Recovery is Radical Freedom We all use substances and processes to modify our experience in the moment. Sometimes it progresses from a temporary relief, fun, or a simple distraction into addiction. There is difference between an ice cream on a
I feel a bit embarrassed that I watch feel-good shows or movies. It feels like there is something wrong with watching someone else have safe, connected, social engagements with people close to them instead of having them myself. Adult dramatic series
What is radical recovery? For two months I have been interviewing an amazing group of thought leaders and innovators involved in the field of addiction and recovery. A common theme is that trauma underlies addiction. “The real calamity of trauma
The thing we’ve been avoiding all this time through addictions is just our own system wanting to warn us or protect us. When we have the direct experience of that, everything becomes workable. Most of us don’t want to be
Shaming is meant to correct behavior. It is a way for societies to let their young people know what is acceptable in their culture and what is not. Shaming is experienced as a survival level threat because the punishment can
Shame works on a continuum from healthy to toxic. Shaming is used by all cultures to let people know the rules so they can fit in. Shaming feels intense because we must belong in order to survive. Children die if