Before Covid, most of our social anxiety had to do with possible rejection or exclusion. With Covid, we have added an alarming threat. Someone’s breath could kill us and we have no way of knowing who is dangerous and who
“Change the culture.” Jackie Summers. “We’re living through a second Civil Rights movement. It started with the death of Trayvon Martin, and hit fever pitch last year with the murder of George Floyd. It isn’t enough. They. Keep. Killing. Us.
Dr Gabor Maté speaks about the effect of traumatic experiences as being disconnecting. Nurturing authentic connection with ourselves is thrilling, painful and raw. It is the aliveness we long for and it is a bold move. What does disconnection look
We get angry when our expression of personal power is hampered. We can only metabolize our anger by feeling it. We then can come to clarity around appropriate expression of anger. There is a vast difference between a fight response,
How does your inner child feel about it? From one person, this can be an invitation into curiosity and to heal disconnection. From someone else, it can indicate contempt for being foolish enough to fall for that inner child nonsense.
In 2005, I was physically assaulted while riding my bicycle to work. Both police officers on the scene told me to ride my bike to work the next day or I never would. They assured me it was very unlikely
We intuitively know that justice for everyone is the pathway to true peace. We still live with de-facto segregation and isolation from each other and experience this loss, pain and grief in both obvious and subtle yet profound ways. It
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris striding confidently along with the caption “the adults have arrived” (meme on Facebook after the election results were announced) Life is chaotic when the rules of truth and civilized behavior are ignored or ridiculed. It’s
Heidi Green believes everyone has the power to be truly happy and to have a loving relationship with our younger selves. “I have to be able to love little Heidi. Until you can see your own young self like other
This week I had the honor and pleasure of interviewing Dr Stephen Porges for the Radical Recovery Summit. Those of you who are familiar with my work have heard me say many times “Safety IS the Treatment”. It has become
“I’m not talking about blind optimism when I’m talking about hope. I’m talking about hope in the face of uncertainty. Hope in the face of difficulty. That sensibility is something I’ve found very valuable. The people I intend to admire
Neuroception is our unconscious perception of danger and safety. It is an ongoing involuntary response of our nervous system and it drives more of our life experience than we might realize or want. Our system is set up with a
How do we take in the enormity of pain in ourselves and each other? It’s like the stinky sludge in the bottom of a swamp, where we are almost used to the pervading aroma, then the wind shifts and we
If you celebrated when the US election results were called last week, you may have noticed a change in your body this week. Many of us are talking about it. The tight grip in our stomach loosening a bit. Our
It is Tuesday morning, November 3, 2020. We are watching the rise of fascism and the fall of democracy in the US. And we are watching a groundswell of activism and determination to fight back and to create and recover
Listen here if you prefer We all long for it. That moment when we share something personal and the other person “gets it”. Our direct experience is that we took a risk to be authentic, and we are rewarded with
I want to hear you. I believe you. I will listen. We exile parts of ourselves that are not acceptable or that feel too overwhelming to let in. They are the shame and core deficiency beliefs. Now, we are here to
We live in intensely activating times. From fires on the west coast to political unrest, from the global pandemic of Covid-19 to the US election – we are all stirred up! We have several natural responses to a higher level of
“Safety IS the treatment.” In order to heal, we need to feel safe. Dr Stephen Porges defines safety as the absence of threat PLUS a feeling of connection. “Trauma is what happens inside us as a result of what happens to us.
When you feel lonely or sad, what are you most likely to do? a) Call a friend, ask for a hug, reach out to a person for support b) Eat, smoke a joint, have a drink, shop onlinec) Curl up on
We are vulnerable to powerful people who can make us feel that we are safer under their protection. Young athletes having sex with a coach or college students with professors shows the power of being singled out as promising and
Do you feel deep down that if you don’t worry, you’ll forget about the threat and accidentally enjoy yourself then boom – it will blindside you? Do you equate worry with taking action? Worry is one of our many trauma
“White privilege doesn’t mean your life hasn’t been hard. It just means the color of your skin isn’t one of the things that makes it harder.” Most of our conditioned beliefs come from the dominant culture – tv, movies, cartoons, advertising,
We are conditioned to believe we are “less than” without a successful relationship as defined by the dominant culture that centers the nuclear family as the right kind of family. Heterosexual. Male and female parents with children. Someday my prince
A friend of Lina’s once asked if she was afraid of her partner Eric. She was shocked and immediately said no, but wondered why her friend would ask such a question. It was only after she left him a few
What are your conditioned beliefs about your body? We live in a diet culture that shames us for our bodies. Our ancestors had an unreliable food supply. We evolved to binge when food was available and store it as fat
Human beings find it hard to practice violence against other human beings. Some people in power play on our fears and turn us against each other, deliberately dehumanizing people to justify hurting them: from Matthew Shephard (beaten to death in
A deficiency story or core belief is formed early in life and involves negative judgments about ourselves. Common deficiency stories include “I am unlovable”, “I’m stupid”, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m disgusting”. There is a sense we are inherently
I am comfortable doing hard things. Say it out loud. What is your response? I can have a difficult conversation with someone even though it is uncomfortable. I am capable of sustained effort and working hard to do what aligns
Like Pavlov’s dog, we are all conditioned. All the way through human history, our likelihood of survival has been higher when we are included in the family or immediate community. We will do pretty much anything to not get kicked
We’ve had the rug pulled out from under our feet. Within one week in March, everything suddenly changed leaving us afraid and upset. Three weeks ago we reached a breaking point around police brutality against Black people. Millions of people
What would happen if you had no rules about being a good person, a nice person, or a valuable person? Would you naturally care about people? Would you want to be decent and kind? What would you do with your
Self-care is especially important now, as we are moving from short term shelter-in-place into the weeks and months ahead. When we’re on vacation, we might throw out all the rules and drink and eat in a way that isn’t healthy
Don’t get between a mother bear and her cubs! Her protection is swift and merciless. If she sees you as a threat, she takes you out. Our fierce inner protector has more options than the mama bear standing on her
Something that is difficult for many people right now is to be alone. Some of this is fear about how terrible it would be to be in the hospital without people we love at our side. We feel for people
We are all experiencing trauma right now. Our nervous system knows we are facing a life and death threat, and is doing its job by alerting us to danger through fear, tight shoulders and catastrophic thinking. It activates our survival
We now live in a different world from the one we lived in last week. Many people were already highly stressed before the virus reached our country and community. This week fear has intensified. We do not know what will
Do you feel safer alone? What happens to a person who fears connection and longs for authentic relationships? Looking at social anxiety, lack of emotional attachment and isolation through a trauma lens, we can see the effect of having been
We all have a list of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” inside our head. We share many of these. Children who are hungry or hurt. Animal cruelty. Greedy people amassing fortunes while ruining the environment. Some things make the list because they
A recent Being Well podcast featured Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s wonderful new book The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired. Being Well Podcast: The Power of Showing
What comes to mind when you think of someone who is free? Free to be themselves. Free from fear and shame. Someone who doesn’t second guess themselves. Someone who isn’t afraid to be authentic. Take a few minutes now to
When we feel afraid or anxious, we are responding to a threat. When we experience social anxiety, we are almost always responding to the abundance of associations & memories from past social interactions. We have a primitive brain and survival
When a group of adults don’t get enough sleep, it’s like a meeting of tall two-year-olds. Family get-togethers often feature too many people in a small space, staying up late, and too much noise, alcohol, and sugar. Add in entitlement,
“I sit down to meditate and my mind explodes with catastrophic thinking. I don’t get a moment’s peace from my mean inner critic. What’s the matter with me? I even fail at sitting still with nothing to do.” Said by every
We’ve all been there, at the wheel or in the passenger seat. We’re driving along and someone does something inconsiderate that sets off a flare of rage. They roar up beside our car then cut us off, forcing us to
What is happening right now in the space your body is occupying? There are sense perceptions, of the air or clothes on your skin, sounds, wetness in your mouth and the movement of your body with your breath. Are you
I’ll turn off the screens at nine so my brain has a chance to settle before sleep. I’ll go to bed by ten and listen to a guided relaxation as I fall asleep. I’ll wake up early enough to go
What are the conditions for happiness for you? How many of them are present right now? In this inquiry practice, be firm with your mind so you don’t entertain negative thoughts. We’re not suppressing them, we’re just taking a break.
What happens to the environment in our mind when we feel hate toward people greedily using their power for their own benefit, causing harm and destruction to others and the environment? Stress sky rockets. Our body tightens up. We are
The evidence is in. Gratitude practices rock! Oprah. Brené Brown. Scientists. So why do so many people find they turn stale and lifeless after awhile? It’s one more thing to tick off our already overwhelming to-do list. The promises of
Settle into a comfortable position. Shavasana is a classic relaxation pose – where you lie on your back with your arms and legs a comfortable distance apart. Become aware of your body from head to toes and the space your body is
Dr. Martin Seligman is a pioneer in the new (1998) field of positive psychology. Until then, western psychology was primarily focused on fixing what was wrong. My meditation teacher encouraged us to “enjoy what there is to enjoy, not suffer