Reconnect and Fall in Love With Yourself, a women’s healing trauma retreat. What happens at a retreat like this? 7 women arrived Friday late afternoon and settled in at a classic old farmhouse. People are nervous before something like this.
Memory. Last week people all over the world were glued to their screens as a courageous woman who remembered every detail of an attempted rape recounted her experience. And the testimony of a man who might have been lying or
Unresolved trauma is like undigested food in our gut. We need to improve our digestion to allow it to move through. How do we do that? We could eat healthier food in an appropriate amount, in a calm atmosphere and
How does fear affect your life? For most people, it is a long list with a wide reach. Our primitive brain is set up to ensure the survival of the species and fear gets our attention. Fight, flight, freeze kicks
I had a big experience of telling the truth this week. The interview I did with Guy MacPherson on the Trauma Therapist Podcast went live on Tuesday. We mostly focused on trauma and how I have worked with it and
Listen on iTunes or The Trauma Therapist Website I was interviewed by Guy MacPherson for the Trauma Therapist Podcast and it went live this week. Guy is experienced and asked good questions (I’m episode #304!). He asked about the physical assault
We have a nervous system and primitive brain ideally suited for human conditions over the last hundreds of thousands of years. We avoid pain and seek pleasure. We instinctively pull back from fire. We avoid life threats. We evolved this
I offer a free daily online guided practice of meditation, relaxation, breathing and being with ourselves. We get to know ourselves in this small community of like-minded individuals. Why offer this every day? Because I know the importance of consistency.
How do we calm ourselves when we’re worried about something? We’ll be reminded of something – maybe someone around us gets sick or we get news about our own health. It’s natural to try to figure out what to do. All
When I read this by Gabor Maté it rang true. What is also true is that we are no longer alone, helpless, and without support. We are adults now. We can stop shaming and judgment. We can be there for
I always thought of myself as quite calm. I was actually frozen. It is how I got through my traumatic teen years and I realize now that the protective freeze took many decades to completely thaw. This makes sense. Children
Death is a hard stop. We know in our heads that human bodies are fragile and vulnerable. The possibility of death co-exists with life. Our own life. People we love. People we know. It is not possible to live with
As if feeling lonely and alone isn’t bad enough, now researchers are saying it’s bad for our health and longevity! This can feel like a rock and hard place. Rock Our primitive brain is evidence based, has a negativity bias
When we water plants in dry soil, it helps to pour in just a bit of water, let it sink in a bit to soften the soil then pour in the rest. If we don’t soften up the dry soil
Last weekend 13 women met at Reconnect and Fall in Love With Ourselves, a healing trauma workshop retreat in a gorgeous old growth Acadian forest at Windhorse Farm. The forecasted showers didn’t happen and we had warm sunshine through the
“A fundamental goal of human development is the emergence of a self-sustaining, self-regulated human being who can live in concert with fellow human beings in a social context. Vital for this healthy development is a relationship with a parent who
How do you support yourself? How do you create more ease in your body? We have reflexive responses in our body, like our shoulders coming up to our ears and tightness in the back of our neck. When we really
Meditate with me every day 8:00am Eastern Live on Zoom #645 904 638. It’s free, come join. Join us for daily practice. We meet every day 8 AM Eastern. It is free, it is a way to meet with a small
My drive for emotional safety overpowered care for my body. We have many words to describe the very common dissociation of ourselves from our bodies. “She’s stuck in her head.” “I live from the neck up.” We feel like we
How do we move about in the world when the fear abates? When the drive to compete disappears? When we validate and value ourselves internally? We can accomplish a lot driven by fear. And what a price we pay! Fire
Take a few deep breaths and relax your whole body from head to toes. Look at these sentences and notice your response. Someone came up behind me and I jumped a foot. I am frustrated that I startle so easily
Bring to mind someone you love: child, grandchild, parent, close friend, intimate partner; someone in your life now or perhaps no longer with you in person. Focus on the look on their face when they see you and smile. Bring
Oprah said she hopes her piece on childhood trauma on 60 Minutes will be revolutionary. That’s a big hope and I share it. The question is not “What’s wrong with that person?” The right question is “What happened to you?” Childhood
Allowing everyone to be exactly as they are. Just the words can create a flurry of activity in the mind. The principle makes sense to us and it is also something we mightily resist! The intensity of our response is
There is a pervasive and incorrect belief that shaming is an effective way to inspire change and improvement. Psychological studies and research in the past ten years have proven conclusively that this is untrue. The effects of shaming are that
The experience of feeling connected and valued feels wonderful! The experience of feeling socially isolated and left out – not so much! It feels sad and threatening. My sense is that part of the benefit of giving to others is
Unhealed trauma is stored in the tissues of our body. Traumatic experiences are either processed completely or partially or perhaps hardly at all. They cause a disconnect from ourselves and the present moment. This “leaving the scene” is part of
I’m excited to be heading back home to Alberta this week. Most of my work and community meets online. I also treasure these opportunities to meet in person. Friends With Your Mind, How To Stop Torturing Yourself With Your Thoughts
The intimacy of witnessing our experience Practices of mindfulness develop the capacity to witness or observe our experience. We can do this anywhere. When we are walking. Dancing. Breathing in sunshine. Checking Facebook. Washing our face. We begin every meditation
When my grandson was younger and didn’t want to listen, he would put his hands over his ears and chant “covering my ears, not listening to you”. It’s a strategy with some merit. Learning to work skilfully with the mind
In Brene Brown’s extraordinary book Braving the Wilderness, she has a chapter called “Speak truth to bullshit. Be civil.” She speaks about truth in our interactions with other people and points to what is happening inside. Shame can be triggered
If I had stopped talking back … If only I had stood up for myself and my siblings instead of burying my head in a book … If I wasn’t too stupid to get good marks in school … If
Bright blessed days … dark sacred nights … what a wonderful world This time of year people reflect on endings and beginning. It feels like an opportunity to start fresh. To take stock and to realign ourselves with our true
“For a person to truly recover from a traumatic experience, they need to learn at the level of their body that the danger has passed.” Dr Bessel van der Kolk Joy. Grief. Terror. Connection. Isolation. Kindness. Betrayal. Compassion. Oceans and
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, by Dr Brené Brown. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, joy, trust, intimacy, courage – everything that brings meaning to our life.” Brené Brown A dictionary definition
Alice “If I die before you, will you write my eulogy?” So began a text I received from Alice in the summer of 2017. Alice continued her plea for understanding: “Please explain to my family what happened to my body,
Last week I participated in a Real Prosperity workshop with Dorothy Spence through the Purpose Led Business School. She had us speak for 30 seconds on these two questions What I love about myself … What I love about my
“My body is busy. Inside, I am still.” Deepak Chopra, from a recent interview in response to a comment on how busy he is. Retreat is an interesting word with many associations, both negative and positive. At times, we retreat
“Connection is the essence of safety.” Dr Gabor Maté I was just in Toronto for a two day Compassionate Inquiry workshop with Dr Maté. There were 450 of us in a large Cineplex theatre yet he easily held a space
Connection with others is what makes life meaningful. Other people are a source of both joy and suffering. Both are true. “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence
Watch all 24 interviews! What impacted you most? Who do you want to watch again? The two most-watched interviews were Scott Kiloby on Real Freedom and Dr Gabor Mate on Trauma, Connection and Addiction. In this Summit, we get to
Radical Recovery is Radical Freedom We all use substances and processes to modify our experience in the moment. Sometimes it progresses from a temporary relief, fun, or a simple distraction into addiction. There is difference between an ice cream on a
I feel a bit embarrassed that I watch feel-good shows or movies. It feels like there is something wrong with watching someone else have safe, connected, social engagements with people close to them instead of having them myself. Adult dramatic series
Hot off the press! The companion guide to Friends With Your Mind, How To Stop Torturing Yourself With Your Thoughts is now available on Amazon! Is a racing mind keeping you from sleep? Go right to the practices for ruminating
I have always been interested in the mind and brain, especially through meditating twenty-five years. Dr. Rick Hanson outlines a simple way to work with our brain to heal and increase happiness. Key resources to grow resilience and tolerate what
Why are some people so sensitive to other people’s opinions and judgments of them? Watch this clip from my interview with Dr Gabor Maté. People with PTSD are more susceptible to other people’s opinions of them than people who haven’t
What is radical recovery? For two months I have been interviewing an amazing group of thought leaders and innovators involved in the field of addiction and recovery. A common theme is that trauma underlies addiction. “The real calamity of trauma
We are living in difficult times. It is hard to let in what we are seeing and experiencing in the aftermath of the violence in Charlottesville and the appalling response from Trump. There has also been an outpouring of people
We long for authentic connection within. To feel and move through life without defending ourselves against emotional hurt. To relax and let go of our experiences that have turned into beliefs that harden our hearts. We long for authentic connection
We did a Living Inquiries guided practice on female power today in our daily group meditation. One of our regulars had an experience the day before that made her uncomfortable and she wanted to look into it more deeply. As
It is deeply transformative to do gratitude practice. Each night before bed, we take note of what there is to enjoy and appreciate in our life. In part this helps to offset the built-in negativity bias in the brain and
Shaming is meant to correct behavior. It is a way for societies to let their young people know what is acceptable in their culture and what is not. Shaming is experienced as a survival level threat because the punishment can