Accepting people as they are is complex and nuanced. They did the best they could from the level of consciousness they were at then. It’s easy to say statements like these and like all cliche’s, they hold some truth. “When
“We’re just not aware of how vulnerable human beings are, and then what our needs actually are. I would say that’s the biggest lack. We don’t live in a trauma informed society. The educational system is not trauma-informed, the legal
We enjoy being with people who are calm and relaxed, interested in engaging with us, and are fun to be around. When we’re in fight/ flight/ freeze, we just aren’t that much fun to be with. We long for connection
Hurry up! You can rest when you’re dead. Don’t be a lazybones! Times up. Make hay when the sun shines. Time is money. What have you been up to lately? What’s new? We live in a culture obsessed with time
“Safety is an absence of threat plus a feeling of connection.” Dr Stephen Porges Our nervous system prioritizes our physical safety over connection and routinely hijacks us. We want to feel close to someone yet we are afraid to trust.
Humans have a higher level cognitive mind and an immense capacity and need for empathy and connection. We also have the primitive brain survival system that developed during hunter/gatherer days when we lived in small groups and competed with other
What are the conditions to feel like we belong to ourselves, with each other, and in broader community? Safety comes first. We cannot be in a state of trust and connect when we are activated in fight/ flight/ freeze. Our
It was National Coming Out Day this week and every year I post something on my personal Facebook page. It is important that when we think of LGBTQ2S+ that real people come to mind. Knowing someone personally helps because the
I am consistently kind and compassionate with myself. I don’t turn on myself when something “goes wrong”. I intimately know myself and I am on my own side. That is not true for most people. It has not always been
How old were you when you began to feel like an adult? I was about fifty, and I find that sense of being a grown up is still deepening. I feel more ease. I belong in my life and it
It does not feel like a post-Covid world to me yet! We’re bracing ourselves for a return to work and school during a 4th wave with the Delta variant. Some people mask and vaccinate. Some don’t. People are dying. Our
Life, as it is, appears in front of us moment to moment. We all have trouble accepting reality. We enjoy parts of life and hate other parts. We grieve and are afraid and angry. We overflow with joy and wonder.
As we move into schools opening during a fourth wave of Covid, the IPCC report to the UN on the climate emergency, Haiti and Afghanistan, many people are feeling overwhelmed and despairing. In our Sunday community classes in September, we’ll
I am not looking for someone to save me from the consequences of my past. Um, that’s not completely true for me. Do we ever completely give up hope? I live in a 68 year old body and feel the
When people around you are in an uproar, there has been a flood or school shooting and you are feeling heartsick with grief, when people close to you are anxious, try to not add to the chaos. Steady yourself. Come
Was food restricted in your house? Was a parent ashamed of you because of your weight? Did you grow up hearing a parent expressing contempt for their own body or weight? If you were labelled fat as a child, were
If I were completely free to be authentically me, I would … If you were completely free, what would you bring in and what would you release? Let yourself visualize what that would be like. What is your felt sense
“You are a light. You are the light. Never let anyone — any person or any force — dampen, dim or diminish your light … Release the need to hate, to harbor division, and the enticement of revenge. Release all bitterness. Hold
We don’t get unlimited chances in life. I’m not going to marry Paul McCartney like the Ouija board promised when I was eleven. We don’t get to go back in time to open our hearts and tell that person what
This does not change the fact and impact of your own experiences – you were and are affected by your parents’ unhealed trauma, neglect, and abuse. You have the right to set boundaries, and take physical and emotional space to
Perfectionism is a trauma response. Trying to be perfect is a way to stay out of trouble, to be validated as good, and to feel included and safer. The elusive goal of perfection forever stays out of reach. Our experience
In neuroscience they’re called neural networks. In yoga they’re called samskaras and vasanas. In everyday life, we know them as ruts or deep grooves of habit. “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” Dr Rick Hanson In our healing work, we
“Safety is the absence of threat PLUS the feeling of connection.” Dr StephenPorges Somatic mindfulness practices allow us to track the actual mechanisms of disconnection. It makes complete sense that when we bump into stored trauma, we feel overwhelmed and
Agreeableness includes trust, altruism, kindness, affection, and prosocial behaviors like cooperation, helpfulness, and attuned empathy. It seems simple on the surface. Who wouldn’t want to be more agreeable and prosocial? Traits of people high in agreeableness: interested in and cares
Before Covid, most of our social anxiety had to do with possible rejection or exclusion. With Covid, we have added an alarming threat. Someone’s breath could kill us and we have no way of knowing who is dangerous and who
Dr Gabor Maté speaks about the effect of traumatic experiences as being disconnecting. Nurturing authentic connection with ourselves is thrilling, painful and raw. It is the aliveness we long for and it is a bold move. What does disconnection look
Objectification is when we use another person as a way to fill our needs. This isn’t the interaction with others that happens all the time. We are lonely, call a friend and feel better just by feeling understood. They do
There are many ways to release anxiety. We might practice yoga, go for a swim, do a breathing practice, or connect with a friend. When we’re jumping out of our skin, we need strong action to down-regulate our nervous system.
We get angry when our expression of personal power is hampered. We can only metabolize our anger by feeling it. We then can come to clarity around appropriate expression of anger. There is a vast difference between a fight response,
How does your inner child feel about it? From one person, this can be an invitation into curiosity and to heal disconnection. From someone else, it can indicate contempt for being foolish enough to fall for that inner child nonsense.
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris striding confidently along with the caption “the adults have arrived” (meme on Facebook after the election results were announced) Life is chaotic when the rules of truth and civilized behavior are ignored or ridiculed. It’s
Who protected you as a small child through your teen years and into young adult life? Much of the conversation about anger focuses on explosive anger and out of control rage. The ruined relationships caused by lashing out or the
“Rage is the biological force that protects that which is loved.” Valarie Kaur We know anger as the fight response in our nervous system, the fiery energy of lashing out and fighting back. We recognize a transgression against ourselves. Someone
I have been thinking about community all week. Our January groups and classes began last week and we had several “first” meetings, beginning with our Sunday classes on Trust and Connection. Thanks to Daniela at Yoga Farm, we have lovely
This week we watched domestic terrorists overrun security at the Capital building in the US. Our nervous systems are alarmed and we are not sure what is going to happen – both in the next two weeks and longer term
This week I had the honor and pleasure of interviewing Dr Stephen Porges for the Radical Recovery Summit. Those of you who are familiar with my work have heard me say many times “Safety IS the Treatment”. It has become
Neuroception is our unconscious perception of danger and safety. It is an ongoing involuntary response of our nervous system and it drives more of our life experience than we might realize or want. Our system is set up with a
“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, well, you just might find. You get what you need.” Rolling Stones We want people to be careful with our tender hearts. We long to be seen and
If you celebrated when the US election results were called last week, you may have noticed a change in your body this week. Many of us are talking about it. The tight grip in our stomach loosening a bit. Our
What part does fear play in your life? In modern life? In the US election? In our response to Covid-19? Our human bodies evolved nervous systems that respond to threat with fear then activate survival responses – flight fight freeze
“Safety IS the treatment.” In order to heal, we need to feel safe. Dr Stephen Porges defines safety as the absence of threat PLUS a feeling of connection. “Trauma is what happens inside us as a result of what happens to us.
When you feel lonely or sad, what are you most likely to do? a) Call a friend, ask for a hug, reach out to a person for support b) Eat, smoke a joint, have a drink, shop onlinec) Curl up on
We are vulnerable to powerful people who can make us feel that we are safer under their protection. Young athletes having sex with a coach or college students with professors shows the power of being singled out as promising and
Do you feel deep down that if you don’t worry, you’ll forget about the threat and accidentally enjoy yourself then boom – it will blindside you? Do you equate worry with taking action? Worry is one of our many trauma
A friend of Lina’s once asked if she was afraid of her partner Eric. She was shocked and immediately said no, but wondered why her friend would ask such a question. It was only after she left him a few
Like Pavlov’s dog, we are all conditioned. All the way through human history, our likelihood of survival has been higher when we are included in the family or immediate community. We will do pretty much anything to not get kicked
Do you find yourself going along with something even when you feel uncomfortable? Compliance is a form of freeze with elements of fawning to someone perceived as more powerful. Do you automatically reject doing what you are told? Defiance can
Off and on during the two months since the pandemic really landed in North America, I have noticed a heaviness in my chest. When I sit with it, it feels like grief: for people dying alone in hospitals without their
What gets us through hard times? Reflect for a moment on other times in your life when you were struggling to stay afloat. What helped you then? For many people, a sense of community, knowing we are in this together,
We all feel fear. We don’t all feel powerless. The way we experience this crisis is not the same, and we have power to change our response. We are in this together. I am not alone. I can do my
Don’t get between a mother bear and her cubs! Her protection is swift and merciless. If she sees you as a threat, she takes you out. Our fierce inner protector has more options than the mama bear standing on her