Accepting people as they are is complex and nuanced. They did the best they could from the level of consciousness they were at then. It’s easy to say statements like these and like all cliche’s, they hold some truth. “When
“We’re just not aware of how vulnerable human beings are, and then what our needs actually are. I would say that’s the biggest lack. We don’t live in a trauma informed society. The educational system is not trauma-informed, the legal
“Polyvagal theory is the science of feeling safe enough to fall in love with life and take the risks of living.” Deb Dana We’ve been through a lot this last two years and much of it was unwelcome and scary.
We enjoy being with people who are calm and relaxed, interested in engaging with us, and are fun to be around. When we’re in fight/ flight/ freeze, we just aren’t that much fun to be with. We long for connection
I began experiencing sudden severe cramping in my abdomen. Within a few minutes, my Saturday went from a relaxed day off to … what exactly? I felt nauseous. It seemed like maybe it was the flu. I had been in
The Dinjii Zhuh (Gwich’in) philosophies describe 3 kinds of strength: ancestral, personal and collective/communal. Dr Crystal Fraser called on all three while writing her PhD thesis on Indian Residential Schools in northern Canada. “Every time I sat down in my
Hurry up! You can rest when you’re dead. Don’t be a lazybones! Times up. Make hay when the sun shines. Time is money. What have you been up to lately? What’s new? We live in a culture obsessed with time
“Safety is an absence of threat plus a feeling of connection.” Dr Stephen Porges Our nervous system prioritizes our physical safety over connection and routinely hijacks us. We want to feel close to someone yet we are afraid to trust.
Humans have a higher level cognitive mind and an immense capacity and need for empathy and connection. We also have the primitive brain survival system that developed during hunter/gatherer days when we lived in small groups and competed with other
Thirty years ago today my dad died suddenly after hernia surgery. He was 67, a year younger than I am now. I was 38 and working at AIDS Calgary. My son was in first year music at university. What Dad
At our core, we are all basically whole. We often lose awareness of that with the clamoring of our primitive brain, and the pace and stress of our lives. Many of our alarming thoughts are generated by our nervous system
What are the conditions to feel like we belong to ourselves, with each other, and in broader community? Safety comes first. We cannot be in a state of trust and connect when we are activated in fight/ flight/ freeze. Our
Can I trust you with my body? Will you hurt me? Will I be safe? Can I trust you with my heart? Are you mean at times, or are you reliably kind? Can I trust you to not betray my
It was National Coming Out Day this week and every year I post something on my personal Facebook page. It is important that when we think of LGBTQ2S+ that real people come to mind. Knowing someone personally helps because the
I am consistently kind and compassionate with myself. I don’t turn on myself when something “goes wrong”. I intimately know myself and I am on my own side. That is not true for most people. It has not always been
How old were you when you began to feel like an adult? I was about fifty, and I find that sense of being a grown up is still deepening. I feel more ease. I belong in my life and it
What niggles at us, and what we worry about, points to what needs our unconditional kind attention. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve had enough. I hate that people act the way they do. I just want to be happy
“We’re looking at a lot of traumatized people who are finding a political outlet for their mistrust and anger. The issue acts as a flashpoint.” Dr Gabor Maté This week in our Sunday class, we are inquiring into the pressure
It does not feel like a post-Covid world to me yet! We’re bracing ourselves for a return to work and school during a 4th wave with the Delta variant. Some people mask and vaccinate. Some don’t. People are dying. Our
Life, as it is, appears in front of us moment to moment. We all have trouble accepting reality. We enjoy parts of life and hate other parts. We grieve and are afraid and angry. We overflow with joy and wonder.
As we move into schools opening during a fourth wave of Covid, the IPCC report to the UN on the climate emergency, Haiti and Afghanistan, many people are feeling overwhelmed and despairing. In our Sunday community classes in September, we’ll
“I doThe Work that Reconnects so that when things fall apart, we won’t turn on each other. ” Joanna Macy “The central question is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear but how we relate to discomfort. Every day we
I am not looking for someone to save me from the consequences of my past. Um, that’s not completely true for me. Do we ever completely give up hope? I live in a 68 year old body and feel the
We carry the history of our fear and anxiety in our body through our nervous system. This is how our past shapes the present. The relative calm or hypervigilance in our nervous system determines our health and happiness, what’s going
How To Live in a Burning World Without Losing Your Mind. In this article, Liza Featherstone suggests we apply what we know about healing trauma to our response to climate catastrophe. I agree. We know that when people feel threatened,
When people around you are in an uproar, there has been a flood or school shooting and you are feeling heartsick with grief, when people close to you are anxious, try to not add to the chaos. Steady yourself. Come
We know we are different now. We’re not as reactive. We have tools to self-regulate and we remember to use them. We recognize when we’re in survival responses of fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn. We don’t go as deep into the
Was food restricted in your house? Was a parent ashamed of you because of your weight? Did you grow up hearing a parent expressing contempt for their own body or weight? If you were labelled fat as a child, were
Did you wince when you read that? I love my body just as it is. It seems like a good idea to at least try to like our body and to honor its needs. Our relationship with our body is
To develop a strong resilient nervous system, children need to be around adults who are grounded and well-regulated. Babies need to co-regulate in order to develop neural networks for trust and connection. Attachment parenting emphasizes empathy and responsiveness to the
If I were completely free to be authentically me, I would … If you were completely free, what would you bring in and what would you release? Let yourself visualize what that would be like. What is your felt sense
“You are a light. You are the light. Never let anyone — any person or any force — dampen, dim or diminish your light … Release the need to hate, to harbor division, and the enticement of revenge. Release all bitterness. Hold
We don’t get unlimited chances in life. I’m not going to marry Paul McCartney like the Ouija board promised when I was eleven. We don’t get to go back in time to open our hearts and tell that person what
This does not change the fact and impact of your own experiences – you were and are affected by your parents’ unhealed trauma, neglect, and abuse. You have the right to set boundaries, and take physical and emotional space to
Perfectionism is a trauma response. Trying to be perfect is a way to stay out of trouble, to be validated as good, and to feel included and safer. The elusive goal of perfection forever stays out of reach. Our experience
In neuroscience they’re called neural networks. In yoga they’re called samskaras and vasanas. In everyday life, we know them as ruts or deep grooves of habit. “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” Dr Rick Hanson In our healing work, we
You are the designated difficult person in your family – not “like” the others You are queer in a heterosexual family who does or doesn’t accept or celebrate you You are of a different race to the rest of your
“Safety is the absence of threat PLUS the feeling of connection.” Dr StephenPorges Somatic mindfulness practices allow us to track the actual mechanisms of disconnection. It makes complete sense that when we bump into stored trauma, we feel overwhelmed and
Agreeableness includes trust, altruism, kindness, affection, and prosocial behaviors like cooperation, helpfulness, and attuned empathy. It seems simple on the surface. Who wouldn’t want to be more agreeable and prosocial? Traits of people high in agreeableness: interested in and cares
Before Covid, most of our social anxiety had to do with possible rejection or exclusion. With Covid, we have added an alarming threat. Someone’s breath could kill us and we have no way of knowing who is dangerous and who
“Change the culture.” Jackie Summers. “We’re living through a second Civil Rights movement. It started with the death of Trayvon Martin, and hit fever pitch last year with the murder of George Floyd. It isn’t enough. They. Keep. Killing. Us.
Dr Gabor Maté speaks about the effect of traumatic experiences as being disconnecting. Nurturing authentic connection with ourselves is thrilling, painful and raw. It is the aliveness we long for and it is a bold move. What does disconnection look
Objectification is when we use another person as a way to fill our needs. This isn’t the interaction with others that happens all the time. We are lonely, call a friend and feel better just by feeling understood. They do
There are many ways to release anxiety. We might practice yoga, go for a swim, do a breathing practice, or connect with a friend. When we’re jumping out of our skin, we need strong action to down-regulate our nervous system.
We get angry when our expression of personal power is hampered. We can only metabolize our anger by feeling it. We then can come to clarity around appropriate expression of anger. There is a vast difference between a fight response,
How does your inner child feel about it? From one person, this can be an invitation into curiosity and to heal disconnection. From someone else, it can indicate contempt for being foolish enough to fall for that inner child nonsense.
In 2005, I was physically assaulted while riding my bicycle to work. Both police officers on the scene told me to ride my bike to work the next day or I never would. They assured me it was very unlikely
We intuitively know that justice for everyone is the pathway to true peace. We still live with de-facto segregation and isolation from each other and experience this loss, pain and grief in both obvious and subtle yet profound ways. It
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris striding confidently along with the caption “the adults have arrived” (meme on Facebook after the election results were announced) Life is chaotic when the rules of truth and civilized behavior are ignored or ridiculed. It’s
We are conditioned to believe Hallmark channel ideas about romantic love. We are vulnerable to them because humans are hardwired to seek connection. This contrasts our own direct experience which is that people can let us down and hurt us.
As we heal, at some point we see and know in our guts and bones what we lost due to childhood trauma. Our primitive brain and nervous system do their best to protect us through fight/flight/freeze/fawn. What is the cost
Who protected you as a small child through your teen years and into young adult life? Much of the conversation about anger focuses on explosive anger and out of control rage. The ruined relationships caused by lashing out or the